5 ways to do absolutely nothing at work.

Monday, March 31, 2014


1. Sit at you desk and stare at all the emails you need to answer but then choose to close the web bowser screen completely cutting all knowledge of those said emails off and then proceed to stare at all the paperwork in your inbox and spend hours nicely organizing them into categories of things you will not do now and things you might do later.
2. Open up your laptop and edit pictures of your kids. Quickly change screens onto something work related when a co worker passes your office and stare at the metrics on your screen like you actually care about them. Then continue to edit pictures when that so called co worker leaves.
3. Ignore all manager calls hoping someone else will answer them but reluctantly get up after the first call because you realize that you’re the main manager on duty. Do anything to accommodate the angry customer even though you know that they are full of shiz half the time. Apologize and loose a piece of your soul as they yell at you because they didn’t get their 2 dollars off on their already 50% clearance item. Apologize again and curse them to death in your mind all while smiling as your giving them their 2 dollars off.
4. Take your lunch and walk slow to the mall food court and walk even slower on your way back. Eat at your desk while your on Facebook. Stay on Facebook when you clock in until you realize that maybe you should actually get something done since you’ve been at work for about 6 hours now.
5. Stare at all the emails you need to answer but then choose to close the web bowser screen again then proceed reorganize your paperwork in your inbox into categories of things you will not do now and things you might do later.
Now I wish that I could say that this has not been an everyday thing lately but I’d be lying. Ever since corporate decided that they will be restructuring my office in May I have lost all ability to actually care about what needs to be done. I just keep thinking how I will soon be a regular associate with very little job responsibility's that its hard to care about the ones I have now. I think I am actually wanting to pill up all my work so that whoever will be in charge of all my job duties will have their hands full. So that maybe my job I did have will be a little more than it does now.
I want to say oh hey you need me to actually walk you through this? oh dang it to bad I have no more access to that. Shoot. Too bad. That sucks and then laugh evilly as they struggle. But, I am better than that. So I have a few days like this where I do nothing and then my guilt kicks in and I bang out my job in 2 days and then start this process all over again. Once May hits and I have to clean out my office I think it will all hit me that this is for real and then I might cry and wish that I didn’t act like I am now. But right now I say SCREW WORK and SCREW you corporate! You Suck!
Thanks for taking my job away and making me settle for something I never wanted. Thank you for making me realize that working is not my everything and that my life will be a ton better with out all the crap you put on me. Thank you for making me actually choose to live outside of these walls. Because the 6 years I put into you meant nothing but the 6 years I will get to put back into my family will mean a ton more. So thank you, thank you for kicking me to the crib so I can pick myself up and live an actual life.

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