Saturday, June 20, 2015
“A portrait of my kids, once a week, every week in 2015”
Week 24: Wyatt: Giving me the death stare. Why would I dare take a picture of him wearing floaties in public. Gunner always stealing Dad’s hat.
Week 23: We got season passes to the Lagoon Amusement Park. So they spend most of their days on rollercoasters.
Friday, June 19, 2015
It doesn’t feel real yet. The whole growing a human inside me. It feels like its taking forever and we’re only at week 7 and some odd days. I think it is because I have had to wait to get into my doctor. He is one popular fellow.
I told Cody last night that I know that I am pregnant but everyday I want to take a test just to confirm it because I am not sick (Nauseous only when I haven't eaten.) and I pretty much have energy besides the midday nap that I sneak in as much as I can. But its completely different from the boys that I just need to be able to see the baby and make sure it is actually in there.
I still have to wait 2 weeks before I get to do that.
I hate waiting.
I also am worried to do a lot of running or exercising because I just don’t want to some how misplace a baby that in my mind is not really there yet. Does that make since? I did however complete a mud run a few days after I found out and it was the most fun I have ever had. I can’t wait to do it next year when I don’t have a human in me so I can go harder than I did. I skipped some obstacles that I felt wouldn’t be worth the chance of it. But there is just something about getting dirty and muddy with your friends. You feel like a badass and it is amazing.
Gunner, went from doing so well at his speech therapy too refusing to do the signs and throwing tantrums when we ask him to say or sign what he needs/wants. That when we had his last appointment I wanted to ball my eyes out when she said that we are starting at the beginning again. I didn’t realize how tuff it would actually be. Gunner is so independent and head strong that most times I want to give in. But I just cant and it makes me die quietly inside.
Wyatt, is also at a difficult stage for me. He, himself is not difficult by any means but he is just soooo different than I am, that most times I find myself holding my tongue. I have learned a lot of patients by being his parent. He reacts differently to things than I do and I have a hard time not allowing him to react how he wants too. That is where I have learned patients because I tend to want to give him all the answers and fixes instead of letting him learning on his own. But he has grown a lot in the past few months. We signed him up for the big intense karate class after he got his brown belt. So he goes 4 days a week now and actually spars against other bigger kids which I thought he would shy away from because of how sensitive he is but he hasn’t. He actually goes in for the first punch and has be called out by his sanseis out of the 30 + kids on being a good fighter. So I know that my patients with him will pay off.
It is going to be strange to add another kid in the mix and I still can’t fathom what it will be like when that little one comes.But I am grateful that I get another chance to be a mother and I am so happy that Cody is doing so well with the idea of this baby that I have found that I have become closer to him. It is nice to see the man you fell in love with at 19 become this amazing father at 30. I didn’t know you could grow closer to a person. I am so grateful that we are still here, still working, and still loving each other after all these years.
Life is an amazing thing.
Thursday, June 4, 2015
The other night, I had a very strange dream. I was at my house with my kids who were outside playing. I proceeded to go outside and see that they with the help of our uncle (whose been working on our add on) built a crazy waterslide in all the holes we’ve have in our yard now for the add on. As I walked out there to check on them I saw them laughing and splashing in the water so instead of going out there with them I went back inside. As I came inside I went into the living room and picked up a dark full headed haired baby and began to nurse it. Just as I did that my father in law who passed away walked in the room and began to smile. As I looked up to see him I woke up.
For about a week after that or so I felt like I was pregnant. But kept writing it off that I was just paranoid. On the day I was suppose to get my period and didn’t I waited until my husband left to take our oldest to karate and I rushed out and picked up a pregnancy test.
As I sat waiting for the test results to come I kept thinking that if it is true how I would tell my husband. We’ve never really had a scare before. We’ve always been kid planners. This time was different, this time it was a surprise.
I looked down at the test and saw a very light + sign. It was to light to share the news yet with my husband. So I waited, panic and waited for a few more days to pass and I picked up the test that would tell me the word pregnant or not.
When the results came in and I saw the word pregnant. I took another test, and another test again and they all came back pregnant.
I could not swallow. I’ve never not planned a baby, what will my husband say, how would he feel. What were we going to do? Gunner my youngest is only 1 1/2. Am I ready?
So I waited again.
Until I couldn’t anymore. I showed him the test and he did what I would have if I was him. Walked out of the room and say that I couldn’t handle this right now. Because lets face it, that is what I did for a week.
The next morning, as I was getting ready for the day he said these words that made me know that he was and will always be on the same page with me and that regardless of what comes up we will do everything together. He said “So instead of making Gunner’s room into your office we will just keep that the babies room right? And put Gunner in the new room upstairs.”
Simple but what I needed to hear.
It still has taken me a little bit to wrap my head around that fact that I will be a mother again. And I know that I blessed to be able to bring a little one into the world and I am now starting to feel excited about my surprise buddle.
I am only 5 weeks along and surprisingly my due date is the 1 year anniversary of Cody’s dad’s passing February 4th. We believe that Rulan is sending this surprise buddle down to us and we are gratefully scared but grateful nonetheless.
Linking up with Mama Kat