I'm a better mom when I work.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

The last few days of my maternity leave I was distracted. I wasn't listening to everything that Wyatt was saying to me, the dishes sat lodged in the sink unwashed and still are. The plans I had while I was leave didn't happen and I cooked a family meal maybe twice in the 8 weeks I stayed home. I wasn't the perfect housewife or mother I should be. I could of been, but I just didn't want to be.

The last few days of my leave I imagined what it will be like to be at work while my 2 kids stayed with family members. I thought about the times I would be having a good time laughing with my co-workers and feeling accomplished when I solved a big issue. How people would look up to me, ask for advice, how they would need me.

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But on the night before I was to go back to work, I started to panic. I started to question myself as a mother. Why I felt better to be at work and felt more accomplished there then I did at home. I started to think that maybe I should cut hours, go to another part of the store and work less, be home more. Be the mother these kids deserved. I went about it in my head over and over as I rocked baby Gunner back to sleep and then I stopped myself. I told myself that I would go in tomorrow see how it was and then make a choice. So I did.

I got up in the morning, put clothes on did my hair and make up dropped the kids off said goodbye and walked into work.

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Sigh,  I felt relief. No guilt. Just relief. I felt important, wanted, needed. I felt like me. I worked and thought of my kids only when I would glance at my desk and see their pictures. I even forced myself to call and check on them knowing all to well that they were fine because I was fine.

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When I got off work and picked up the kids I was happy. I was able to finally listen to Wyatt with out being annoyed. I was able to scoop up Gunner and snuggle him with out thinking how I was sick of being the only one holding him. I was happy, they were happy. We went home and stayed happy. 

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So in the long run I am a better mom when I work, a better wife, lover because I am happy.  (Just remind me that on those days when work sucks.)

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