I just cared that he was born alive and healthy.

One week ago yesterday, little Gunner Jonathan Christensen came into the world on 9/9/13 at 7 pounds 19 inches long at 1:21pm via C-section. It was one of the best moments in our lives and we are truly blessed and I am finally to the point in my healing plus trying to figure this “mom of two boys “out (OMG I am a mom of TWO boys!!) to take a moment and write his birth story.

Cody and I… Well mostly I had plans to try and deliver Gunner as a natural (no epidural) VBAC (vaginal after C-section.) I wanted the experience. That moment that when your baby comes out and all you hear his is cry and you can’t help but cry yourself because you just birthed that thing and man was it tuff but you did it. That empowerment, that moment that no one could take from you because you did it, you survive it, you brought a human into the world naturally like they did in the old days and man was it all worth it.

But I didn't get that. Just like I didn't get it with Wyatt.

And the truth is I knew that I wouldn't, I knew weeks before Gunner arrived. I knew what day he was coming and around what time because we had to have it planned and the day we sat in my doctors office and he told us that we needed to plan for a c-section… I was a little relieved until I left his office. 

My dream of being that woman who triumph and deliver a baby out of my own vagina was gone. Well possibly gone. We had to planned it because my uterus and cervix was not working properly.  Was not doing well, anything. And the more we waited the more of a chance that Gunner would suffer. Every weekly appointment he was moving less and less and growing bigger and bigger and yet my body was doing nothing to help him come. It literally was not doing a damn thing. Every pre labour contraction I had did nothing but make me miserable and Gunner stressed.  My doctor sat in front of Cody and I and explained all this and told us that he would give us until my due date the 7th and if not we had to choose a date and a time that next week to welcome our baby into the world.  So we did and we kept it a secret.

I was determined to get this baby out before or on my due date because I wanted my dream of a VBAC. Then Sunday night (the 8th. A day passed by due date and a night before the schedule c-section) I started to have contractions. Real ones, but I knew that we already had an appointment to be at the hospital at 11am the next day so I tried to sleep through them which was hard and didn't happen but I waited as long as I could.

Cody finished up some ordering he had to do at work that morning while I dropped Wyatt off at my mom’s with his overnight bag and a huge kiss and wish him a “Happy big brother day.” and then we were off… to have a baby.

We get there at the hospital, check in, hooked up and saw the amount of contractions I was having so we tired. We tried to go the way I wanted. We tired to go naturally. So from 11am until 1ish I tired to have my baby the way I wanted.

But that dream again ended because with every contractions Gunner did not have a heart beat and if he did it was barely there. Just like Wyatt. So they told me, we can wait, we can try, we can do it how you want but as you can see and hear it will end up as an emergency C-section instead of a planned out one.

What do you want?

I wanted a healthy ALIVE baby. So at 1pm they suited Cody and I up in the hospital gear and we walked (well I rolled) into the surgery room and they cut me open and I had a baby.

It took them a while to get little Gunner out. They had to suction cup his cute little bottom (which is bruised now.) and cut me open wider (which hurts like hell still) to finally get him to come but when they did and they pulled him out he cried hard and so did I. I had my baby finally. My second son. The little pistol who had been tormenting me for 9 months and at that moment I didn't care that I had him via C-section. I just cared that he was born alive and healthy.

 

**To see more pictures of little Gunner and to see what we have been up to visit our Facebook and instagram pages.**

I think my husband is secretly hating me inside.

I think my husband is secretly hating me inside.

One because I am pregnant and the hormones are crazy and lately I have been asking well demanding kisses, hugs and touches every five seconds which in the normal world would be fine because it would lead to making babies but at this stage he gets nothing. Seriously having an almost 8 pound thing in your body and trying to have sex is near impossible and the woman who say its not is well better than me because I aint down to no breathing for a 15 minute love session. So yeah, I am basically blue balling him and he knows it. Sorry dude, you still got like 6 weeks after the kid is out too. So um… we will find you a girlfriend or I will just give you “your time alone.” Whatever. At this point I don't care I just need my kisses damn it!

Secondly he probably hates that with me being on maternity leave allows me to “goof” off on the computer all day and not pay attention to him plus I seem to forget that people need to eat dinner. So yeah there's that too. But hey, at least I can say that soon it will all settle down to like it was and then we will have a baby and it will go crazy again. Ha! Man, I’d hate me too.

This morning we went to my baby appointment (hopefully the last one) and right when the doctor walked in he said “man, still pregnant huh?” Yep, still p r e g n a n t. Great. He checked me and well GUESS WHAT!?!?!?!? I am still at a 1.

Yeah, not excited about that either. What a jerk baby. So the idea of having him in 2 days (when my due date is) is like not going to happen. I better just get over it and realize that I could possibly be pregnant the rest of my life and that really Gunner is not anything but an alien in my belly to hunt me and make me crazy. Because at this point that is exactly what is happening. I am going crazy.

We also took Cody to a chiropractor because of his neck “pain” and I am sooooo happy for him that he feels better now and is back to normal in the matter of 15 minutes. Yeah he sucks and I am secretly hating him now because god damn it get this kid out of me!

Can I just say, that I know most of you might be sick of me telling you how I am tired and done being pregnant blah blah blah and that this is a blessing and some people cant get pregnant, well I get that. I do. I understand that. Last year I felt the same thing about wanting to be pregnant and I am now upset that I am.

I am just physically tired, worn out and this pregnancy has not been how I thought it would be and well that has thrown me off so I'll most likely keep complaining out how I want Gunner to be here and to go back to my normal body issues because well first I am excited to see another little baby and second I wont be pregnant anymore. So just deal with my issues okay?

And if you are one of those wanting to be pregnant people. I hope it happens and that you get to experience all the joy and all the pain that comes from carry a baby in your womb for 10 months. Because it is amazing. Seriously amazing… cause look how amazing you will look while you are 9 months pregnant. Absolutely gorgeous.

Any day now sounds like a good date to me.

Cody has a paper route he does early in the morning for extra cash. He has been doing this for years now. The other day when he was out on his route he pinched a nerve in his back carry the heavy bag. The reason I am letting you all know this is that I find it to be quite funny. He has been a big mope complaining about how much it hurts and how he can’t really move and all I can think of is HA! Now you know what I have been dealing with for 9 months. I am to the point that I literally have to have Wyatt or Cody push me out of bed if not I have to roll and fall off the bed to get up.

How crazy. I keep saying I was never this way with Wyatt…  wait I was going to tell you how I was working full time on my feet still with Wyatt at this time but you know I just realized that around this time when I was pregnant with Wyatt I was actually in labour. What? Omg. I was 3 days early with Wyatt.  Maybe…. just maybe I will go into labour today.

I have been cleaning like mad today. Isn't that a sign that something will be happening? So far I have clean, like DEEP cleaned my kitchen and now I am onto the bathrooms. I have also packed our bags for the”big day” and folded all the laundry, cleaned the crap out of Wyatt’s room and organized Gun’s room. 

Hmm….

Maybe today could be the day. September 4th does sound like a good day to come into the world to me Gunner. Right? Its a good date. Hey you know what even September 5th sounds like a good one too, Gunner. Really a n y d a y now sounds like a good date to me. GET OUT OF ME ALREADY!

3 days until my due date. 3 days… 3 days…

 

His last hurrah.

The last couple of weeks have been a little hard for Wyatt. I was working a ton to make sure my office would (hopefully) run smooth when I was gone on maternity leave. Cody was doing the same but for stress of having our income cut due to me going on maternity leave. (Half a check is better then no check right?) So Wyatt was left with two over tired stressed parents who wanted nothing to do but sit when they got home. So he has been acting out a little. And for Wyatt acting out means “talking back” to us and demanding things instead of asking nicely. We have even had cry tantrums. Which if you know Wyatt is a shocker because I don’t remember the last time or if there was even a time that he had a tantrum.

So late at night Cody and I would talk about what we needed to do for Wyatt to make it not so hard on him and we came up with a plan.  I traded shifts with a co-worker  last Thursday which are normally Cody’s day off and Wyatt’s preschool day.

Our plan was to pick him up from preschool and “pretend” to run errands but instead we will be taking him on the train to SLC and head downtown to the most amazing children's museum and also go to the planetarium.

So Cody and I talked to Wyatt the days before and told him how much errands we would have and things to do and that on our days off we wont be able to go anywhere fun or do anything but those because Gunner’s coming soon and we need to make sure that we are ready… blah blah blah. We did this because we wanted him to be super surprised and have no idea what are plans actually were.

When it came time Cody and I’s excitement was through the roof. We picked Wyatt up from his school and I told him how we needed to go to this place before we go home because Blah blah blah and Wyatt just broke down and starting crying and he kept saying “I don't want to do this noooo!” I tried so hard not to laugh and so did Cody. We started to drive and Wyatt was pouting in the back set and then we got closer and closer to the train station and Wyatt started asking “Why are we going here what’s happening mom?” We pulled into the train station and the train was already there and I told him that we had to hurry and catch the train because you are going on a surprise!!

He couldn’t unbuckle his car seat fast enough. He got out and started running to the train! It was the best feeling to see him so happy. The whole ride to SLC he kept trying to get us to tell him what else we were doing and he kept guessing and he was glued to the window and would get super excited when we’d go under bridges. It was amazing.

It was more amazing when we got the the museum which is where he has been asking to go to for months now. He couldn’t stop running from one place to the other playing with all the toys. It was awesome. But what was even cooler was when we took him to the planetarium.

Wyatt has been in a scientist kick lately so taking him the planetarium was the cherry on top to the whole day. He was in awe. He got to see all the planets, all the stars and even got to walk on the moon and mars. Then we let him have at it in the gift shop. We came home with a ton of different kind of rocks, a space kit for his room and glow and the dark stars. He was one lucky kid and I am happy that Cody and I did that for him. It will be his last hurrah as the only kid.

He’s talked about it for days now and has his rocks nicely displayed in his room. It was something he needed for sure and I am glad that we did that. Less than 5 days (hopefully) until Wyatt will no longer be the only child.

(above are the instagram photos of that day. 1. was us checking on Gunner at his baby appointment we had early that morning. (he wasn't kicking enough for the doctors liking but everything was and is still fine.) 2. is me super Prego and I could barely walk to the car by the end of the night 3. Cody and Wyatt walking downtown to the museum 4. Wyatt at the museum in the “grocery store” acting like daddy 5. Wyatt at the planetarium on the moon looking down at earth  6. Wyatt waiting for the train to take us back home with the biggest grin ever. )

 

Who needs a real vacation anyway?

I am currently sitting in the middle of my living room surrounded by boxes filled with old memories, lost treasures and junk that I will be happy to get rid of. This week of my “staycation” is coming to an end. I have accomplished a lot. Wyatt’s old baby clothes have been washed folded and put away in his old crib drawers. His old baby blankets folded and tucked away waiting for the soon arrival of his brother. The crib is put together and all I have left to do is hang pictures.

We have cleared out our storage shed which brings me back to the boxes I am surrounded by. My husband he is a saver and he saves everything for the “just in case” moments. On one hand I am grateful that he made me do that with ALL of Wyatt's old baby stuff because now we need nothing but a new car seat and diapers. On the other hand we have been paying for a storage shed for years and half of the stuff I will be selling tomorrow at my yard sale. (so if you are in the South Ogden area come buy my junk!)

Its been sorta fun looking through all the junk we have collected over the years. The memories it brings back of the times Cody and I were living together kid less and freshly in love. It is crazy how you can pack all those things away and once you unpack them the love comes back to you like they have never left because really they haven't they have moved into more of the mature love you craved then anyway.

And to see the little outfits that Wyatt wore when he left the hospital and when he was so tiny tugs on my heart strings. I soon will be having another little one and that made this whole week become real. Because up until this week I have done nothing for the arrival of Gunner nothing but feel him kick and move and give me heart burn. But now, with everything getting taken care of it is becoming real. He will be here before I know it and that my friends, makes this week of digging in old boxes, dealing with spiders and dust bunnies and doing a ton of laundry worth it instead of using my vacation time to sit on a beach and drink fruit drinks because who needs a real vacation anyway?

Today is the day people.

It is, it’s the day I start my nesting adventure. My mother is coming over and the storage shed that has not been open for a years will be opened to reveal all the things we saved 5 years ago from when Wyatt was little that we will dig through to make sure that we can actually use them for Gunner. I am sure that I’ll be bringing up baby memories of Wyatt with each little outfit I sort through and I feel that I might just cry.

I will be hanging pictures this week, putting a crib up and well I will actually start acting like this new baby will be coming. I will also be figuring out the last details of the little baby shower I am throwing for myself. Well it will be more of a Gunner celebration because I feel like it is only fair that Gunner gets his own celebration of his arrival since Wyatt had one too. Plus, I think it will help Wyatt with the idea of his brothers arrival.

Yesterday on my first day of “the I don’t work for a week so lets do nothing but play on Pinterest day” I found some prints of inspiration for Gunner’s little cow boyish theme of a room. Here are some links to those prints I will be using.  *click the picture for the source.

 

And can I say that I am beyond excited to get this room together that I actually cried yesterday to my husband because I just realized that I will be having a baby less then 8 weeks. I seriously had a mini panic attack that I would not be ready and that everything that this nursery represents will determine the readiness I will be able to handle with 2 kids. So it must MUST be done by the end of this week because I have no time… or at least I think I don’t.

So here’s to hoping that I can get what I need done and here’s to hoping that it will turn out the why I envision.

“Staycation” or am I just nesting?

Its funny to me how different I am with this pregnancy. I remember that I was completely ready with the nursery and everything we needed or so we thought we needed by 20 weeks with Wyatt and well I am currently heading into 33 weeks with Gunner and have yet to do or buy anything.

Tomorrow is my last day at work before my “staycation” where I have taken off the week to get myself ready for the baby. My mom is coming over to help me sort through all of Wyatt’s old baby clothes to see if they are still good and all of his other baby stuff we’ve saved. I will also be getting the crib out of the storage to make sure that it is still in good shape so we will be able to officially make a nursery for the my little pistol. I am thinking of going with a cowboy theme to fit with his name.

So tonight I will be searching for prints and ideas because I have nothing in mind for him. So if you have any ideas let me know. But I do know that I am officially in the nesting stage because I cant seem to do anything with out cleaning and reorganizing plus I really really have the need to make everything look and feel nice.

I have already turned the playroom upstairs into Wyatt’s new room so that we could move Gunner into his old room so he’d be closer to me and I just got finished going through all of Wyatt clothes that he has now to make room in the closet for all the stuff we will be putting in there for Gunner (since the old playroom doesn’t have a closet.) I have sorted everything that we have in the house to make sure it has a place because I am DONE with the piles that seemed to be piling up with the lack of energy I have had lately.

I am also hoping to have a yard sale on Saturday to get rid of everything that we’ve collected that we never used and put in a closet because I am done with those too.  Needless to say this kid is coming in 50 days and I am in a good rush to get things done and ready for him because I am clearly not but I am so ready to be. I am done with this pregnancy and cant wait to be a mother of two.

…until I can actually breath and walk with out waddling.

Currently I am work. My door to my office is closed the lights are off and the little fan I stole from someone else's office is blowing full force on me. The lunch I have been snacking on has given me heart burn and my feet are swollen.

I am pregnant. I know that you all know this. But what I am saying is that I am p r e g n a n t. Like full on. This kid is so heavy that I cant breath most of the time and my stomach is so hard that when I walk, I waddle because if I don’t then I would pee my pants. I am officially in the uncomfortable better get out of my way I might hurt you stage of pregnancy. And it sucks.

Let me share with you something that happened to me randomly yesterday that might help you understand how I feel at this moment. I woke up at 9am after having slept for 9 hours I started breakfast and got Wyatt's ready. After I handed it to him I sat down on the couch to catch my breath and bam 2 hours later woke up from a random nap in a rush to hurry and get ready for work.

How I didn’t know that I was sleeping was crazy and thank god Wyatt is old enough to entertain himself with out setting the house on fire because I bet I would have slept through that too.

Today, the same thing happened only this time it was late in the afternoon and Wyatt said to me “Mom, go lay here I get your blanket you go to sleep because your eyes are so tired looks like they hurts.” I did just that and boy was I out quick. I again woke up in time to get to work.

Now I am at work and all I want to do is sleep. I look at my computer and I think of my bed. I talk with associates and I think of my bed and now that I am closed in my office on lunch ready to take a nap. Sleep seems to not existed. 2 more hours. 2 more hours before I get to lay in my bed with a thousand pillows pushed into my sides to hold this crazy baby still so I can actually sleep. 2 more hours but 55 more days until I can actually breath and walk with out waddling.

Gunner Jonathan

Little Gunner,

You and I have moments where I am still in disbelief that you are in fact a real little person in my belly. Most days I forget that I am pregnant until I feel a kick from you. Its hard to imagine what life is going to be like with you in it.

To be truthful I am scared to death that you are coming. I am scared that adding you in will be too much of a mix and that it will be something we wish didn't happen. The whole thought of a little teeny tiny baby is a weird concept to me. I know that I have done this before, I get the generally idea of what it will be like to rock you, feed you, change your diaper and cuddle you when you cry. But right now the thought of adding you to my heart is scary and I am unsure how to do that.

I know that once you are here all the questions will be erased and the room in my heart will grow and you will fit nicely in it. But I am going to be scared to death until it does.

You and I spend our nights together awake as I feel you moving and most of the time you catch me off guard and I am totally surprised when I get to actually see my stomach move with the hard firm kick you give. I actually say out loud OH MY GOSH!

You are big now, I am big now. I waddle, have backaches and my feet swell. This pregnancy is so different that I find my self wondering how you are going to be. Are you a mini me? A wild child? A go getter? Are you the missing spice in our life?

Gunner Jonathan, my little gun, pistol, soon to be… you, my boy will be a joy to have regardless of the fears that I am having. I know that you will be welcomed into our home with open arms and your life will be filled with all the love we can give and you, my son you will be ours and we will be yours and life will change for the better with you in it.

I think working moms get a bad rap.

 

Cody and I had a talk last night about the kid in the belly and that boy we call Wyatt. It started off talking about how weird it is going to be to have another one and how we cant imagine what it will be like, then it drifted off to how nervous it makes us which then led to us talking about me and working again.

While I was pregnant with Wyatt I worked full time had only two weeks off after he was born and then went back to work full time again. I worked full time hours for a few months and then made the choice to go part time because I notice how difficult it was for Cody to care for Wyatt as a new born. In a way I am glad that I stepped into a part time role but also it was more difficult for us then finically. Cody was and still is an excellent provider but you can only do so much with one income.

So for the first year of Wyatt’s life I stayed home during the week and worked the weekends. Cody last night talked about how he is worried that with me working that I will not be here to teach the new kid how I taught Wyatt. Then he said how it makes him upset that now since I am working I don't do the same things I did with Wyatt when he was little and that he is not being taught anything new.

Man, talk about throwing me into some mom guilt. Thanks. I know that I have talked so much on here about working full time and the stress of trying to be a mom, wife and a full time employee and how it can be hard to juggle it and that most days I wished I’d stay home but when Cody said that I become very defensive.

I do a damn good job at raising Wyatt. He is smart, listens really well and is quite funny and just because I am a working mom does not mean that I don't spend time with him. I mean my days are filled with the worry of Wyatt and if he is being fed, bathed, taught, paid attention too. I pick the right people to take care of him when I have to be at work and I demand that they also care about all those things too and that on the days that he needs me more, work is the last thing on my mind.

I turn down vacations alone with friends, I don't go out every weekend and on my days off they are filled with what fun things am I going to do with Wyatt. If I have to go do errands on my days off I don't make Wyatt go to a babysitters I take him with me.

Who says that working mom’s cant raise their children to be amazing adults. What is the difference of me being home 24/7? Maybe the house would be cleaner and I’d cook more meals but really I would expect Wyatt to be just how he is and learning just what he is learning. I aint going to hold his hand around the house and I wouldn't want him around me at every second because my god does he need to learn to be able to entertain him self because people aren't going to do that for him.

I do understand Cody’s fear though. This kid (the baby) is going to have a different start then Wyatt did but don’t all second kids do? I was a fresh mom with Wyatt I bought all new things, had to have the most expensive stuff, I maybe held him to long and picked him up at every cry. I mean what new mother doesn't?

But I get it now, I get what is needed and what isn't. I will be the mother that is needed even if that means that I have to work or who knows maybe I will make that choice to stay home after the kid is born but regardless I think working moms get a bad rap.

Just because we work to help provide a better life for our children doesn't mean that we are any different then the stay at home moms. Because I know when I stayed home I had the same worries that I do now as a working mom. I just get to juggle more.

I am a freaking weird burp throwing up women who screams at her co workers.

I just mopped the shit out of my kitchen floor. It made me hot and sweaty and I about wanted to kill my cats. Who thought it was so funny to keep running across the newly mopped areas and making them well, dirty again. I might have thrown them in a fit of rage but I wont admit to anything cause that's animal abuse people and I aint like that.

Can we just talk a second about my animals and how ridiculous they are as of late. My dog literally has peed on my bed in the middle of the night right next to my head and I have rolled in to it only to wake up smelling of piss. This as caused my husband to sleep on the couch (which is the most uncomfortable thing ever) and it leaves me to still sleep next to the highly smelling like cleaning solution bed because we have only one couch and a toddler bed that are taken so I get the piss bed. Yeah, that sucks.

This dog, Kipper has been peeing all over ever since we got him nurtured two weeks ago and instead of thinking “oh there must be something wrong, I should take him to the vet.” I just wanted to kill him. Then my husband who is all knowing said “You should probably call the vet and make an appointment there could be something wrong.” Sceptical, I called and made an appointment for today. I found out that this poor thing has a bladder infection. My god, I am the worse dog parent ever. Thankfully we got meds and he is doing much better so far. So I am hoping for a free night of not sleeping on piss.

My cats on the other hand might need a new home if they keep going back in my kitchen. Seriously.

Wyatt, has been in this scientist kick. Everything lately has been an experiment. Right now he currently has a “experiment” on my desk where he put a ton of different weeds flowers in a cup filled with water and different crumbs of food all mixed together. So its currently growing mould and stinks and I have to keep reminding him that he cant drink it because it “could ruin the experiment.” and really that's just gross. So if you guys have any ideas of some experiments that we could try that would be awesome! I would love to do something that isn't as gross or actually teaches him something besides how mould grows.

The baby is doing good. I did however this morning do a weird burp that turned in to flying throw up that I had to clean up this morning. It was super weird and super gross. The babe well, he is still nameless and I am slowly coming around to the fact that it could actually be a boy like the doctor said but we will see.

I did have a mini melt down this week at work in the management meeting where I freaked out and told them I had only 4 months left and they better be prepared to be with out me. Yeah, I bet I sounded like a freak.

But really guys, I am already panicking about the amount of time I have left before this kid shows up. It seems like it is flying by and I have nothing ready. I swear I wasn't like this with Wyatt. But this kid, well he is just making me a freaking weird burp throwing up women who screams at her co workers.

Yeah, I am a little nuts. But on the plus side every time I have a freak out moment the husband takes me shopping. So that's awesome.

I will leave you with some old instagram photos of Wyatt and Kipper… because a post isn't as good with out pictures. Oh look how adorable. That's back when I liked my dog. ;)

Your a surprise party waiting to burst out.

How do I feel about this second kid who is still growing inside me? I am unsure with how my emotions should be. I know that I am excited to hold him for the first time and put a face to this tiny heart beat that squished up against my belly. That I will get to count his toes on the feet that kick each time he hears his daddy. That I will get another hand to hold, another mouth to kiss, another soul to love.

Your like a secret hidden inside that boggles my mind. Who is this baby, I know nothing about? I knew instantly everything about Wyatt before he was here. I dreamt of him and how he’d look and what he’d be like but you darling boy, are a secret.

Your a surprise party waiting to burst out. You are something I seem to know nothing about. You are shocker, a absolute wonder and I am amazed at how well you keep a secret.

Who is this baby of mine? Are you going to be like you dad or maybe like me or are you something that no one has ever seen before.

I have one hundred and forty forty days to go before I get to meet you, which just seems to long. I don't even have name to call you yet. Most days I feel normal like there is not a another soul inside of me and then you kick, squirm or flip to remind me that you are here and then I sit and ponder you. The secret boy with no name.

I imagine dark hair softly placed on your head and tiny toes and little fingers and little ears and just you little. I imagine what your cry will be like and how you will fit in my arms and how different it will be to actually hold something so tiny again. I imagine the way you will look at me, with big brown eyes and then I imagine you different. Maybe you'll be blonde like Wyatt and have the same eyes has him or maybe you will have red hair. Will you be bigger than he was? Will you cry be new to me? Will I instantly fall for you like I fell for Wyatt?

Oh little baby, who is such a secret I cant wait to meet you. Where all my questions will be answered and I will sit in disbelief and be completed astounded at who you are.

But hey, at least the dishes are clean.

Thursday, I had the same day off as the husband and we planned ahead of time that it would be a day of cleaning. A day where the dishes that have been in the sink for over a month actually get washed and the toilets… you do not want to know the look of them. It was a word that is way worse then disgusting.

I was actually excited that we’d get this house back into order and when I woke up Thursday I went straight to the kitchen and put my purple cloves on and dug my hands in the dirty water that has been sitting there soaking the dishes over a month and empty it. The stench, oh the stench people was way out of control. Waaaay out of control. And the layer of mould… gross.

G R O S S.

Immediately my pregnant self loss control and I threw up on that same mouldy water. Sorry, but I did. You would have too. Hey I still stuck it out and kept going and the dishes well they are clean and I vowed to only use paper dishes from now on.

The husband took care of the toilets and vacuumed. Clean out the cat litter and smashed all of the soda cans. He took out the garbage and dug out my books from the garage so I could actually put them out my empty bookshelves.

And we did all this while Wyatt was at preschool. We then picked Wyatt up and headed to the travel agency to book our Disneyland Vacation for October. A month after I would be having the baby.

Originally it was going to be just Cody and Wyatt going but then the nice lady talked and it made me feel jealous so I convinced Cody that I could go too and that taking a maybe one month old wouldn't be that bad. I could do it! I mean I went back to work full time after 2 weeks after having a C-section with Wyatt and I also hiked for a week in Zion's last summer after I had emergency appendix surgery a week before. I could totally handle a 1 month old in Disney right?

Well as we headed home to go back and clean the rest of the house I choose to take Wyatt to a movie instead and Cody headed into work to close since he is short employees. So as I am typing this I currently have laundry still folded on the floor in the living room and more to fold smashed in a basket in the laundry and still more in the dryer. The dishes are clean but still need to put away so they are sitting on the counter. Wyatt’s toys are all over, some in each room and the books Cody got out for me well they are still in the box and my bookshelves are still empty. So the clean house I envision is still non-existent. But hey at least the dishes are clean.

Oh ps, I am slowly getting around to those who are new here. HIIIIIIIIIIII and HELLLOO!! Thanks for stopping by!!! and can I say I have some great posts coming up… my plans are to talk about raising a sensitive boy and the “brave badge” that helped him talk to people. Also to talk about a pooping issue we have been having. And a chore chart in the works and dare I say I am going to talk about where I am at in the pregnancy and also the fact that the husband refuses to choose a name. And how my work doesn't realize that I am 4 months away from not being in the HR office because of my maternity leave and what that means to them and how you should act doing an interview to actually get the job. So look out cause I will be blogging. I hope you stick around with me.

Okay, now I will leave you with a photo from my actually big girl camera! (wait, I still have it?) Cause no post is good with out pictures.

This is from the Color Festival where my camera decided that it would be a good idea not to work. Poo, so out of the 100+ photos this is the only one I could save that I actually like. I cried, when I got home and found out that really none turned out because of my card reader. But hey at least this one is of Wyatt. So enjoy.

You are quite the surprise.

As I laid there on the table in the doctors office as he scanned my belly to tell me what you were I became nervous. I scanned the screen hoping that he’d say the word I wanted to hear but instead the word “boy” came and my heart dropped not because I was sad that I was getting a boy but the dream of my girl that I swore you were ended.

 
Chloe Abigail disappeared. Her long bouncy red curls, gone. The dreams of tea parties and ballet classes, gone. The dreams of her getting into my make up, gone. The dreams of talking about boys together, gone. I sat up in shock and forced a smile on my face and turned to look towards your dad and brother who were beyond excited.

They get a boy, they get a brother, someone to wrestle with, go on hikes with, camp with, someone else to called “dude.” To play video games with. They get you. A boy. A brother. A boy.

It took all day to come to the excitement everyone else was at. It took a day to morn the loss of the girl I dreamed. It took a day.
By the time the night fell I was looking into what I would call you. What your name would be. Who you’d become. This boy, another boy. Who are you? Will I call you Jaiden, Tucker or maybe Jameson? Or maybe your a Quentin?

Are you going to be like your brother? Quiet and full of wisdom. Or are you my wild child? Who are you? I feel like I know nothing about you. You are quite the surprise and I am over the moon excited to get to meet you, my little boy.

Truly I am.

A few things.

Hey guys! Can I just say that I have been feeling 80% better with this pregnancy finally. Right? ugh… I am currently 15 weeks and this kid is no longer a shrimp but a full size apple. (what?) Wyatt is in love with the fact that its an apple and tells me that it needs to be a watermelon next. Ha-ha and I would agree I would love too already have this kid out um wait… just as I typed that I had “a holy shit” mini panic attack. So clearly I am not ready for that so never mind. This kid can stay an apple for a while.

I have been a busy bee lately in ways that I thought I would prefer not to be. I just did two 12 hour days in a row at my work. My legs are dead tired and I forgot to eat both days until it was late at night when I shoved anything in my mouth and pray to god to not throw it up. So thank you god, because I didn't.

We have this “culture change” going on at work. So I have been in meetings to learn how to communicated better and to motive better. At first I was sooo not into this whole idea because we all know that I have written a ton of post about how work is well… sucky. But I go to this training and a lot of what was said made a ton of sense and I had a lot of those aha moments where the things I learned will not only help at work but with life its self. Then I got to meet with my region HR manager yesterday who was not only super nice (shocking) but was willing to help me through a lot of HR matters that I struggle with. I got so much training that last night I could not turn my brain off. I thought about all the ways I want to improve at work and improve at home. It was something that I needed for sure.

It is funny how a little direction can change how you feel. I hope that this change actually works and that work for me will be better because I hate to say it but I don't actually think I could be a stay at home mom I think that thought has always been “the grass is greener on the other side” when in reality it might not be. I guess we will see how it will be when I go on maternity leave in September.