Today I will stop acting like a single mother.

If you walked into my home today unannounced you would walk into a mess. Right now just in my living room my computer desk is covered with bills that have been unopened and you wouldn’t be able to sit on the computer chair because it is filled with jackets that have yet to be hung. You’d also scan over to the bookcases that are filled with random toys that Wyatt hasn’t put away even though I have asked him more than once to do so.  Then if you walked into my room you’d see a bunch of clothes all over the floor and you don’t want to see what the master bathroom looks like. Lets just say It’s a disaster and move on.  I could go on but I’ll spare you.

Why I am telling you all this? Because even though I have myself together at work. At home, it’s a different story. My husband tends to treat me like I am a stay at home mom even though him and I work the same amount. In his reality, I don’t work the same hours as he does so I should be the one who does all the house worthy stuff oh and all the kids stuff too. This tends to be one of our arguments that we cant seem to move on from.

My reality is that we should share it 50/50 but most time I get 90/10 of out him.

Cody claims that he has two jobs and yes he “does” but one of those jobs is a paper route early in the morning that his mom helps with. So he has to get up for an hour and half early in the morning and deliver papers every day but he doesn’t get up fold them or put the rubber band on or does it all by himself. All he does is wake up ONCE early in the morning and delivers them with his mom.

And yes he does work at his regular job which he works hard at and his really good at too and yes its in a retail grocery store which means that you do a lot with out a lot of people, hours or support.

But I do too.

I get up early in the morning too. More than once most times and I work at a retail store too. So for him to say that he does more just makes me want to punch him in the face because my god on the working front we do the same plus I do all the baths, all the cooking, all the bills, all the cleaning and guess what since we bought a house I do ALL THE YARD WORK TOO.

So you tell me who works harder? Him or me? and its not that I want to compare its that I want to make it clear that we are in this together. Him and I, Him doing housework me doing housework, Him dealing with the kids me dealing with the kids, Him dealing with the yard work me dealing with the yard work.  50/50

And when I finally decided that I cant do it all and still do me. I give up. I focus on myself and the kids and my job and then you see the house decline and the yard work pile up and the bills stay unpaid and that’s when he seems to notice and that’s when we get into a fight like we did last night.

Last week Cody bought popcorn at one the of the REAL soccer games and brought the bag home. Which this said bag ended up everywhere in the house. It would move from one room to the other and then finally yesterday it ended up in the garbage. Because god damn it I couldn’t take another thing in the wrong place anymore especially since no one was eating it.

so I thought. So I threw it away.

Cody got off early after a long meeting he had in SLC and picked him self up food because he doesn’t eat what I cook ever. So when he got home all he wanted to do was sit down and eat because he hasn’t eaten all day (even though the meeting had food there he didn’t eat it because he is a picky god damn eater. not my fault or theirs just his.) This didn’t happen how he wanted.

I got back home the same time he did but instead of work that day I was dealing with transporting the kids from preschool, doctor appointments, karate and a pharmacy visit with very little sleep I had the night before due to my sick kids plus I did laundry and the dishes cook breakfast and lunch and was about to cook dinner.

Since he was home I did what he does to me which is expect him to help out. So the baby was fussing and it was past dinner time and I had yet to cook anything I handed him the baby and went into the kitchen to cook dinner. Some how in there I cant remember he had to get up from his fast food to get something. I am unsure what but when he did the puppy jumped up on the couch and ate his hamburger.

This lead to yelling at the dog and looking for the popcorn I threw away earlier in the day. When he found it in the garbage he started to demand to me why I did that. Which I rolled my eyes and tried to ignore. He then put the baby down on the floor while he dug it out of the can (it was still in the bag but covered in a ton of food.) Gunner being sick didn’t want to be on the ground he wanted to be held and he has yet to eat a bottle or dinner so he was extra fussy he started crying. This lead to me suggesting that maybe he should pick him up and maybe get him something to eat.

Well all hell broke loose because of that suggestion. He started yelling at me about how he has been at work all day and he is tired hasn’t eaten blah blah blah. so then I yelled and said oh really really you do soooooo much and I flipped. FLIPPED to the point that a threw something at Cody grabbed the baby put him in the high chair grabbed some finger food for him to eat all the while cooking dinner and dealing with Wyatt who is “staaarving mom”.

So I went off even more and yelled about how he does nothing that all he does is sit in front of the TV and that Wyatt hasn’t had a bath for a week because he doesn’t ever give him one before he puts him to bed because that’s my job but I am too busy trying to sooth a sick baby who has his first ear infection who all he wants to be held all day long and never sleep at night.

He claims that he does help out and I say really then prove it. Prove it! do it with out me asking you too or suggesting that you do it and then I stopped talking finished cooking the meal and he finally gets up and starts to feed the baby and Wyatt dinner which leads to him later bathing Wyatt for the the first time ever on his own.

and I go in the other room and eat my dinner and make a conscious decision that I am not going to baby him anymore that I am going to treat him like the adult that he is and I am going to expect that he puts in 50/50 effort with me in taking care of this household because as a working mother I am not a single mother and I am no longer going to act like one.

Today I am creating a daily routine check off list for the entire family. That has a job for everyone on it to take care of so its not just me doing everything. It will work even if it kills me.

and that my friends is the end of my rant.

and just like I got a new job.

When I found out in January that my position at work was become obsolete I learned that I had make a tuff choice. I could accept a new position in the store, leave and take the severance or stay in the office. I went back and in forth a lot. I wanted to stay in the office but then I still wanted the title of a manager that I worked so hard for. But then Cody said that I should stay home more, be there for the kids more. Then I ‘d go to work and my store manager would say how I could take this position and get a raise which could possible put my on the fast track to becoming an assistant store manager one day.

I had way to many options and I didn’t want to take any of them.

I was hurt, pissed I didn’t care and I didn’t want to care. I just wanted what was comfortable. I wanted my four walls, my desk, my same responsibilities my office. I didn’t want the change, I didn’t ask for it.

Weeks went by and I began to listen to Cody more and more about staying home and keeping the office job as an associate.  I started to believe him. I started picturing my self at home with the kids making pies and playing outside. I saw me getting up early and getting off earlier and be there. I thought about how I could join the PTA at Wyatt's kindergarten next year how I could become friends with the other mothers.

So I turned down job after job that they offered me. I turned down the raise. I turned it all down but each time I did I thought my god did I do the right thing.

Then months went by and I started to get more information about the transition. They started to release the hours that the office would have. What the responsibilities would be and it was no where what I wanted to do. It was basic with barely any hours and if I stayed my office assistants would not have their jobs.

Then I would sit in the management meetings and think do I really want to give this up? I like being in the “know” I like being in charge of something. I like having the ability to delegate. I like it all.

So then they asked me again, and I thought only about what I wanted. I didn’t think about the kids, or the husband or what my boss thought. It was all me and with out hesitation I said yes. I accepted the job as the Lead Soft lines Merchandiser.

Saturday I packed up my office and turned in my keys and then Sunday I started the new job and the whole day I thought why didn’t I do this months ago. I would have saved my self a ton of headaches.

Instead of dealing with emotionally draining problems and people day after day I get to set up displays, reorganized items and I am up and moving all day long. I feel accomplished by the end of the day.

Sore but accomplished.

Out of focus.

These photos are out of focus but I love them anyway. I love that I quickly caught them while they were enameled with each other. While nothing matters to them but each other for those quick moments. I love that you can see that Gunner just loves his daddy so much. Gunner lights up when Cody is in the room and kicks his legs until he scoops him up and throws him in the sky and laughs as he tickles his belly. These little moments are ones that I will treasure for a lifetime.

52/5

A photo of my kids once a week for 52 weeks in 2014.

Week 5

Wyatt: playing dress up at grandma’s on Easter

Gunner: Surprised to see me catching him talking to Alli the gater.

See the entire series here

and he sure the hell does not do puppies.

Did anyone ever tell you that having a puppy is like having a whole another baby? My husband has reminded me a lot lately that he doesn’t do babies and he sure the hell does not do puppies. Right now he has both. I just laugh and laugh (inside my head because when I really laugh at that remark it doesn’t turn out well.) and roll my eyes and then go pet my cute little puppy.

She has been a little B lately though. We spend hours outside and then right when we get inside she decides that it is a good time to poop in whatever room we are in. So she is surely not winning over the husband right now. But Kipper on the other hand loves her. I have never seen him so alive and smiley. Yes, my dogs smile. I mean look at the pictures you can clearly see that Kipper is happy to have a friend.

Wyatt is enjoying her too until she steals his toys and make them her chew toys, or his shoes, or his socks or just about anything she can stick in her mouth. Gunner also loves the thousand dog licks he gets from her especially the ones that knock him down. And I mean who doesn’t love that. But she’s cute so I guess we will keep her. For now anyway (says the husband)

Our Easter

I dropped the ball on Easter this year and really I have dropped the ball on pretty much all holidays we have had lately. I don’t know what it is but I tend to forget that they are coming until 2 days before and I am like shoot I forgot to color eggs, shoot I forgot to hang all the decorations shoot I forgot to go find a bunny somewhere and take pictures with the kids. Shoot I forgot to get the Easter baskets out of storage. Shoot, I forgot I almost forgot to actually get them stuff from the “bunny.” We almost forgot to put the stuff out from the bunny too. My god, I dropped the ball.

But who cares, they didn’t and its been nice to not have to take decorations down or clean up egg dye on the counters for days. So all we really did for Easter was go to my parents house for a nice ham dinner an egg hunt and a water fight which was perfect. How was yours?

Puppy Isabella.

We’ve had our little kipper the dog now for almost 2 years and I have felt bad for him lately. All he has wanted is someone who would wrestle with him and play and our poor cats just couldn’t do it anymore. So I decided that it was time to look for a friend. I search the internet for puppies and found this little sweetie and I knew I had to have her. I convince the husband and filled out the application and a week later I got a new baby.

She is such a doll. So loving and calm compared to what Kipper was. She is very very curious and wants to be in the thick of it all. We waited a few days before we introduced her to kipper but after the first shock of a new dog in the house Kipper came around and now they are the best of friends and as you can see Gunner and Wyatt are thrilled to have a new friend too.

I found her through the best friends animal sanctuary and they were a pleasure to work with even transported her to us.  I would recommend them to anyone. So if you want a little friend go check out their site.  Best Friends Animal Sanctuary

Scooterin’ it up yo.

So we are trying to be more active in our household which is hard for us. We are a TV, play on tablets all day type of family. So when I suggested that we turn everything off all day and do nothing but be out side or play with toys you could say that it didn’t go over that well but we did it. We dug out the stroller, found Wyatt’s scooter and leashed up the good old dog and off we went to find out just what this neighbor had in store for us. I mean, gosh we’ve lived in our new house for 2 years now and we have yet to know what's really out there.

It was fantastic. Kipper loved by outside smelling and talking (barking) to other dogs, Wyatt tried to do flips on his scooter and hated the hills and little Gun slept.  Me, I felt more alive you know. I actually got ready, put pants on and soaked it all in. Here where my kids making memories like we used too when Wyatt was a toddler.

Why did we stop this. (throws fists in the air) NEVER AGAIN! Outside you are a pleasure to be in.

Gym you suck.

Gym, you suck. I have been going to you for a month now and I feel like every time I come home I did nothing. My arms don’t hurt, my legs aren't jelly and hey it could be that I don’t know how to work your fancy machines or that I tend to just go up and down on the elliptical doing the quick start which does nothing I know but I think its time we break up.

Its not you, its me. Looking at your boring walls and watching your TV screens aren't cutting it for me anymore and you know what I found someone else. Some one who gets that I need to feel the pain to know I am alive. Who pushes me to meet my goals, who doesn’t forgive my lack luster days. Who turns me into jelly after I see him.

I crave the him now. I crave his pavement under my feet, the wind in my hair, the hills man those hills. I crave my breath being taking away. The moment when I feel like I can not run another step but I do and the high the comes with that is beyond any words I could say now or ever.

I get it. I get why runners do this. Why they run for 26 miles with out stopping. I get it. I finally get it and one day I will be one of those runners but right now I cant wait to finish my 3 miles. So I’ll see you later Gym, I might be back but right now running has my heart and I am head over heals for him.

Dad’s tend to have more fun.

You know when your kids get a hair cut they tend to  grow up instantly. Throw in some new glasses and they become teenagers over night. That’s how I feel about this kid now. I literally never see him anymore. Most days he is upstairs in his room doing whatever teenagers do like gaming and watching wrestling. Then he’s talking with his dad about gaming and wrestling and you know stuff that “women don’t get mom.” and there I am out of the loop already.

So I spend most of my time cuddling with Gunner whispering to him “you’re going to be a momma’s boy when you grow up right?” He’ll  just yawn and look at me like he knows the truth that dad’s tend to have more fun.

I always wanted to be a mom of boys and now that I get the chance I am so thrilled.  I grew up knowing that I got along with boys better than girls. I never was the “girl friend” I was always one of the boys. I would do all the mischievous things that boys do like breaking into abandon buildings, riding dirt bikes, and one of my favorite memories, throwing water balloons at cars while driving my moms van and trying to get them to chase us. Which led the cops calling my parents before dragging me home.

Which I thought for sure they’d kill me but surprisingly they didn’t do anything but tell me not to do it again. I think they were tired by the time my rebellion came out. I was the fifth kid to become a teenager, they totally lost steam after my older siblings. Water balloons were nothing compared to what they did.

I see myself either teaching my kids in the future how to TP a house or grounding them extra hard for doing it because I know that TPing a house is just the start it. Isn't it interesting to be on the other side of things?

I never understood why my parents got so upset over little things like sneaking out of the house to met up with a bunch a guys and not coming home until 3 in the morning only to get supplies for our next adventure to find your mom waiting up for you and then have your guy friend come into “help” the situation aka lecture your mom on why it was important for me to go out with the guys on this said adventure only learn that I was grounded yet again.  Come on he had valid points mom!

But now being a parent I see why that was not such a good idea and I am just grateful that right now they only thing I am out of the loop on is gaming and wrestling and THANK GOD I have Cody who can relate to those things because over the years I have turned into a girl who doesn’t get the gaming and really doesn’t understand why wrestling is so cool.

52/3&4

A photo of my kids once a week for 52 weeks. Week 3 & 4

52/3

Wyatt: Taking Kipper the dog for a walk

Gunner: Listening to daddy tell him about the wonders of the world.

52/4

Wyatt: Playing in Kippers dog house

Gunner: Enjoying the sunshine.

See the entire series here

Brothers

These two are starting to act more like brothers each day. They are spending a lot more time together. Gunner absolutely adores Wyatt and laughs at everything Wyatt does. Wyatt on the other head wishes it was still just him most the time. I hoping that when Gunner starts to crawl that will change which I am sure it will.

52/2

 

Week 2

Wyatt: Showing me what Gunner looks like when he screams

Gunner: hiding his head in shame.

See the entire series here