I am a freaking weird burp throwing up women who screams at her co workers.

I just mopped the shit out of my kitchen floor. It made me hot and sweaty and I about wanted to kill my cats. Who thought it was so funny to keep running across the newly mopped areas and making them well, dirty again. I might have thrown them in a fit of rage but I wont admit to anything cause that's animal abuse people and I aint like that.

Can we just talk a second about my animals and how ridiculous they are as of late. My dog literally has peed on my bed in the middle of the night right next to my head and I have rolled in to it only to wake up smelling of piss. This as caused my husband to sleep on the couch (which is the most uncomfortable thing ever) and it leaves me to still sleep next to the highly smelling like cleaning solution bed because we have only one couch and a toddler bed that are taken so I get the piss bed. Yeah, that sucks.

This dog, Kipper has been peeing all over ever since we got him nurtured two weeks ago and instead of thinking “oh there must be something wrong, I should take him to the vet.” I just wanted to kill him. Then my husband who is all knowing said “You should probably call the vet and make an appointment there could be something wrong.” Sceptical, I called and made an appointment for today. I found out that this poor thing has a bladder infection. My god, I am the worse dog parent ever. Thankfully we got meds and he is doing much better so far. So I am hoping for a free night of not sleeping on piss.

My cats on the other hand might need a new home if they keep going back in my kitchen. Seriously.

Wyatt, has been in this scientist kick. Everything lately has been an experiment. Right now he currently has a “experiment” on my desk where he put a ton of different weeds flowers in a cup filled with water and different crumbs of food all mixed together. So its currently growing mould and stinks and I have to keep reminding him that he cant drink it because it “could ruin the experiment.” and really that's just gross. So if you guys have any ideas of some experiments that we could try that would be awesome! I would love to do something that isn't as gross or actually teaches him something besides how mould grows.

The baby is doing good. I did however this morning do a weird burp that turned in to flying throw up that I had to clean up this morning. It was super weird and super gross. The babe well, he is still nameless and I am slowly coming around to the fact that it could actually be a boy like the doctor said but we will see.

I did have a mini melt down this week at work in the management meeting where I freaked out and told them I had only 4 months left and they better be prepared to be with out me. Yeah, I bet I sounded like a freak.

But really guys, I am already panicking about the amount of time I have left before this kid shows up. It seems like it is flying by and I have nothing ready. I swear I wasn't like this with Wyatt. But this kid, well he is just making me a freaking weird burp throwing up women who screams at her co workers.

Yeah, I am a little nuts. But on the plus side every time I have a freak out moment the husband takes me shopping. So that's awesome.

I will leave you with some old instagram photos of Wyatt and Kipper… because a post isn't as good with out pictures. Oh look how adorable. That's back when I liked my dog. ;)

Your a surprise party waiting to burst out.

How do I feel about this second kid who is still growing inside me? I am unsure with how my emotions should be. I know that I am excited to hold him for the first time and put a face to this tiny heart beat that squished up against my belly. That I will get to count his toes on the feet that kick each time he hears his daddy. That I will get another hand to hold, another mouth to kiss, another soul to love.

Your like a secret hidden inside that boggles my mind. Who is this baby, I know nothing about? I knew instantly everything about Wyatt before he was here. I dreamt of him and how he’d look and what he’d be like but you darling boy, are a secret.

Your a surprise party waiting to burst out. You are something I seem to know nothing about. You are shocker, a absolute wonder and I am amazed at how well you keep a secret.

Who is this baby of mine? Are you going to be like you dad or maybe like me or are you something that no one has ever seen before.

I have one hundred and forty forty days to go before I get to meet you, which just seems to long. I don't even have name to call you yet. Most days I feel normal like there is not a another soul inside of me and then you kick, squirm or flip to remind me that you are here and then I sit and ponder you. The secret boy with no name.

I imagine dark hair softly placed on your head and tiny toes and little fingers and little ears and just you little. I imagine what your cry will be like and how you will fit in my arms and how different it will be to actually hold something so tiny again. I imagine the way you will look at me, with big brown eyes and then I imagine you different. Maybe you'll be blonde like Wyatt and have the same eyes has him or maybe you will have red hair. Will you be bigger than he was? Will you cry be new to me? Will I instantly fall for you like I fell for Wyatt?

Oh little baby, who is such a secret I cant wait to meet you. Where all my questions will be answered and I will sit in disbelief and be completed astounded at who you are.

Parenting is hard.

Currently my arms are completely tired and dead asleep after holding my almost 5 year old as I rocked him to sleep tonight for a good hour or so. He had a ruff day. I am unsure why it was so difficult but to him somehow it was.

After having two days off in a row I think it shocks him when I go back to work and stay there for 8+ hours and come home to pick him up from a day of running errands with his grandma who I guess spent a lot of time at the doctors with grandpa today. Not only was his plans for playing with his new basketball gone but grandma also left his new “cuddle bear” that daddy gave him the day before at her house before setting off to the doctors. Which was awful because he talk a lot about how he missed him.

When we finally got home, I was to tired to hear what he had to tell me and I did the pretend your listen and say “oh uh huh, that's cool.” as I tired to watch TMZ and get the gossip of the stars to drown out the boring day at work from my mind. But then I also pawned him off to go with his daddy to Best Buy so they could browse at the movies and TV's and video games which Wyatt is just like me in that department and hates window shopping or any shopping in general.

By the time he got home from that, it was close to 8pm and he hadn't had dinner yet and it was a complete melt down. Tears, and tears poured down his face as he begged me to just cuddle him. Which I of course did and sang him our “Mr Wyatt song” I made up when he was a baby to make him feel better.

We quickly feed him and then went back onto our night as usual. By this time Cody’s friend was over to watch the basketball. So us adults began to talk which left poor Wyatt to sit and listen again not getting the attention he wanted or needed. The “men” went to the “man cave” to watch the game as I went back to my computer to drown out yet again my self from the world and Wyatt sat on my lap as I again listen half way to what he was saying.

And then it was bed time. I hurried Wyatt into a bath that he hasn't taken for a few days and discovered that he had pooped his pants yet again.

Its been a month of this on going battle with him. He poops and then doesn't tell us which then we discover hours later because of the smell when we hug or play with him and then we get upset because we cant understand why he keeps doing it and we talk and talk and talk his ear off about how he is a big boy now and big boys don't poop in their pants. Which just makes him embarrass and he refuses to listen.

When we potty trained Wyatt he basically did it on his own. No reminding him every hour and not many accidents. He even taught him self how to poop on the potty and rarely had an accident. So with him doing this like how he is this month it is becoming stressful to the point that Cody and I even took the Ipad away from him until he learned to poop in the potty again.

Tonight, I learned that I was treating him like a teenager and not the 4 1/2 year old that he is and I learned it the hard way.

Tonight, when I discovered the accident I did the thing we’ve been doing talking to him, scolding him, embarrassing him not because I got joy in it but because I thought this is what would get him to stop. Of course it hasn't been working so finally after talking and talking, talking at him I stopped and finally asked “What can I do to help you not poop in your undies.” and I waited this time for the answer (because I have asked before but never listened before.) I waited with out talking for a few minutes while he cried and tried hard to get what he wanted to say out.

Finally, I held his head in my hands and look at him dead in the eyes and waited again for the answer. Which he gave in a whole heart desperate needed voice. “I need you to help me by not being mad or mean to me.” Shock and pissed at myself for being this way with him I asked how I could help him and him realizing that I was actually listening this time said. “I want to get something for when I do poop on the potty and not get something taken away went I poop in my undies.” “Like what?” I asked and he said this. “A cuddle from you.” insert my broken heart here. Wow, I thought where have I been? Defiantly not here for my kid.

I agreed to not only a cuddle but to a sticker chart that would show him how many times he actually pooped on the potty and a Movie date prize if he gets 20 stickers. (which he chose the amount of stickers to get.)

We left the bath that night both realizing where we stood. Me, the understanding that even though I am a full time working mom, I am also a full time working MOM and I need to start acting like it again. And him, understanding that he does have the ability to help someone realize that he has needs and they need to be heard and that tonight by being honest like he was that he was in fact heard and that he was in fact loved deeply and so needed.

Parenting is hard. Mistakes will be made regardless but they can also be fixed. And fixed with a lot of love.

Tonight as I rocked him, I took the time to actually rock him and took the time to put my self in check. Work is work but mothering is so much more god damn important and I better get my act together and quick because I got another one on the way and he is coming quicker than I can realize.

But hey, at least the dishes are clean.

Thursday, I had the same day off as the husband and we planned ahead of time that it would be a day of cleaning. A day where the dishes that have been in the sink for over a month actually get washed and the toilets… you do not want to know the look of them. It was a word that is way worse then disgusting.

I was actually excited that we’d get this house back into order and when I woke up Thursday I went straight to the kitchen and put my purple cloves on and dug my hands in the dirty water that has been sitting there soaking the dishes over a month and empty it. The stench, oh the stench people was way out of control. Waaaay out of control. And the layer of mould… gross.

G R O S S.

Immediately my pregnant self loss control and I threw up on that same mouldy water. Sorry, but I did. You would have too. Hey I still stuck it out and kept going and the dishes well they are clean and I vowed to only use paper dishes from now on.

The husband took care of the toilets and vacuumed. Clean out the cat litter and smashed all of the soda cans. He took out the garbage and dug out my books from the garage so I could actually put them out my empty bookshelves.

And we did all this while Wyatt was at preschool. We then picked Wyatt up and headed to the travel agency to book our Disneyland Vacation for October. A month after I would be having the baby.

Originally it was going to be just Cody and Wyatt going but then the nice lady talked and it made me feel jealous so I convinced Cody that I could go too and that taking a maybe one month old wouldn't be that bad. I could do it! I mean I went back to work full time after 2 weeks after having a C-section with Wyatt and I also hiked for a week in Zion's last summer after I had emergency appendix surgery a week before. I could totally handle a 1 month old in Disney right?

Well as we headed home to go back and clean the rest of the house I choose to take Wyatt to a movie instead and Cody headed into work to close since he is short employees. So as I am typing this I currently have laundry still folded on the floor in the living room and more to fold smashed in a basket in the laundry and still more in the dryer. The dishes are clean but still need to put away so they are sitting on the counter. Wyatt’s toys are all over, some in each room and the books Cody got out for me well they are still in the box and my bookshelves are still empty. So the clean house I envision is still non-existent. But hey at least the dishes are clean.

Oh ps, I am slowly getting around to those who are new here. HIIIIIIIIIIII and HELLLOO!! Thanks for stopping by!!! and can I say I have some great posts coming up… my plans are to talk about raising a sensitive boy and the “brave badge” that helped him talk to people. Also to talk about a pooping issue we have been having. And a chore chart in the works and dare I say I am going to talk about where I am at in the pregnancy and also the fact that the husband refuses to choose a name. And how my work doesn't realize that I am 4 months away from not being in the HR office because of my maternity leave and what that means to them and how you should act doing an interview to actually get the job. So look out cause I will be blogging. I hope you stick around with me.

Okay, now I will leave you with a photo from my actually big girl camera! (wait, I still have it?) Cause no post is good with out pictures.

This is from the Color Festival where my camera decided that it would be a good idea not to work. Poo, so out of the 100+ photos this is the only one I could save that I actually like. I cried, when I got home and found out that really none turned out because of my card reader. But hey at least this one is of Wyatt. So enjoy.

You are quite the surprise.

As I laid there on the table in the doctors office as he scanned my belly to tell me what you were I became nervous. I scanned the screen hoping that he’d say the word I wanted to hear but instead the word “boy” came and my heart dropped not because I was sad that I was getting a boy but the dream of my girl that I swore you were ended.

 
Chloe Abigail disappeared. Her long bouncy red curls, gone. The dreams of tea parties and ballet classes, gone. The dreams of her getting into my make up, gone. The dreams of talking about boys together, gone. I sat up in shock and forced a smile on my face and turned to look towards your dad and brother who were beyond excited.

They get a boy, they get a brother, someone to wrestle with, go on hikes with, camp with, someone else to called “dude.” To play video games with. They get you. A boy. A brother. A boy.

It took all day to come to the excitement everyone else was at. It took a day to morn the loss of the girl I dreamed. It took a day.
By the time the night fell I was looking into what I would call you. What your name would be. Who you’d become. This boy, another boy. Who are you? Will I call you Jaiden, Tucker or maybe Jameson? Or maybe your a Quentin?

Are you going to be like your brother? Quiet and full of wisdom. Or are you my wild child? Who are you? I feel like I know nothing about you. You are quite the surprise and I am over the moon excited to get to meet you, my little boy.

Truly I am.