Creamy baked chicken with spinach

Main Dish Ingredients

• 1/4 cup mayo
• 1/4 cup sour cream
• 1/4 t garlic powder
• 1/4 parmesan cheese
• 1/4 cup shredded mozzarella
• 1 cup diced chicken from rotisserie chicken
• 10 oz spinach thawed squeezed dry spinach

Main dish instructions

• Preheat oven 350
• combine mayo sour cream garlic parmesan mozzarella in medium bowl
• in another bowl toss together 1/3 sauce with chicken and spinach spread in casserole
• spread rest of sauce mixture over chicken and spinach
• back for 40 minutes until golden brown

side dish ingredients

• 1 t Dijon mustard
• 2 TBL lemon juice 1/2 t salt 1 t black pepper 1 clove garlic minced
• 3 TBL olive oil
• 1/2 bag of chopped romaine
• 2 TBL grated parmesan

Side dish instructions

• combine mustard lemon juice salt pepper garlic and oil whisk until well combined
• toss with romaine lettuce sprinkle with parmesan and enjoy!

actually cooking

For about a week now I have been actually cooking. Like the real deal everything home made dinners. Now I got into this kick thanks to emeals. I have always struggled with meal planning even more when I started to work full time a few years ago. By the time I get home I’d be to tired to try and figure out what we have in our pantry to throw together and cook. So we’d end up just grabbing something on the go. Wyatt has become so accustom to fast food that he’d would expect a toy with every meal that we’d eat even if it was something we had at home. Sometimes he would even ask to eat something at home over fast food because that is how much we’d have it. I know I know. It was bad. 

Then I found out about emeals. I uploaded the app on my iPhone and tried the free trail and fell in love with how easy they made it for me. Everything was on there. What I needed to get for every meal for the entire week. It was amazing, plus the meals were so quick and easy to make that I started to look forward to them everyday.

I picked the low carb meal plan and I am so happy that I did because the food has been delicious and healthy and all home made.  I also made the choice that with this new eating healthy thing that I was actually going to get fit. I started to use the myfitness app (daily) and actually record all that I eat and Thursday I will be touring a Gym. Yep. I am going in on the fitness craze. I have never really be serious about getting skinny well because its not about self esteem or hating how I look for me because I am fine with how I look. I like my curves and I like who I am (most days) I want this because I need to be… my family needs to be healthy. Fast food everyday for a 5 year old. Not okay.

If you’ve been following along on instagram than you’ve seen what I have been cooking. Check out #audreyshomemademeals for all the meals I have cooked so far. I plan on posting a few here and there that we have really liked on the blog with recipes so that you guys could enjoy some good old cooking too. Also add me on myfitness app (email dailywyatt@gmail.com <--- the old blog name. hashtag lolololololol) YAY! fitness!

                             

                              (this has not been a sponsored post. I just wanted to share with you something I have really enjoyed.)

I love my kids but come on

Today, was my day off from work and if I was kid less I would have slept in and spent it all day in my pjs watching Netflix and eating a shit load of food. But instead it was spent with an early wake up call from my 5 year after I just got my 6 month old back to asleep for the umpteen time. Tired I then get up with him which he then excitedly screams as he gets into our living room because he saw the video game that my husband bought for him setting out by the TV which that lovely happy scream wakes my sleeping baby and all I can think is FUDGE. F F F FffFFfF f f ffffff…. I just got him to sleep. I just got him the F to sleep. I go in pick him up and change another one of his dirty diapers all the while cursing my husband in my mind as he is nice and comfy in our warm bed and I am here again.

Again.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and my husband but sometimes I hate them all. I hate that it is always me me me ME getting up with the baby. I hate that it is always me changing the diapers. I hate that it is me that Wyatt wants when he wakes up. I hate that it is me doing the laundry, the dishes cleaning the toilets, I hate that it is me paying the bills and I hate that it is me always me alone putting the kids to bed.

Last night, the husband got invited to go out to a Jazz basketball game with his buddy and even though it was his day to watch the kids (his day off from work) I some how got stuck again with it all. So of course while he was there and I was home trying to settle a feverish Wyatt a teething Gunner with a dirty house and piles of laundry. I was cursing Cody again.

Then he came home and then kids stayed in their beds and we turned off the TV and we talked like how we did when we were dating. The hour turned into hours and then we went to bed together and right as we laid down Gunner fussed for his night feed and then right after Wyatt stumbled down into our room with a high fever and I was grateful. Grateful that I was married to a man who when we both are completely tired we can double team the kids with out hesitation. Him with the baby, me with the big kid. Parenting is hard and even though all I wanted today and last night was time to myself. (if I was being honest I’d say that pretty much last week I wanted that too.) I could not be more grateful for them and my husband.

But this momma needs a solo vacation asap.

wild soul

Shh  Shh, I say.  As I calmly rock little Gunner to sleep.  I quickly place my head on his soft brown hair and whispered another shh to clam him.  He nozzles his head into my neck and breathes me in deep.  We rock in the quite as his breath sets the rhythm. 

One, breathe.

Two, breathe.

his eyes slowly blink, 

three, breathe.

Sleep.  He sleeps.  I hold on tighter not wanting the cuddles to end. 

I could hold you like this for a million years.  Sleep for you is rare.  You normally sleep with one eye opened, not wanting to miss a moment.  You like to be in the thick of things, your big brown eyes watching your brother with amazement as he dances in front of you to make you laugh or when you'd silently watch as he plays with his cars.

You take the world in, not careful like the way your brother did. You are the wild soul. Days with you are filled with energy bursting that its hard for you to contain. You screech, scream make your voice known. You do this not out of being upset but rather out of joy. When I hear you holler like that I know that everything is right in your world.

SO WHAT!

I'm currently at work, trying to do some online training that they have us do every month and I am behind because well I just don’t get the time to do this training that really only half of the stuff pertains to me. I am bored, hungry and content. Can I be all those things at once? I guess I can since I am.

I am bored because this training is rather dull and says the same stuff over and over. I am super hungry and I want a Panini from the store on the other side of the mall but I am too lazy to walk there and get it. I am content because I finally said out loud for the first time since the Big News was dropped on me at work that I did not want to take another management role here and that staying in the office as a regular old associate was fine with me. And you know what, it is.

I pictured myself yesterday at home with my kiddos. Watching them grow. I saw me organizing the kitchen pantry and cooking meals with babies at my feet. I saw early morning cartoon watching and walks to the parks. I saw summer in all its glory. The heat, the popsicles, us swimming in the pool and I was happy.

I was happy because I get to have those moments. I get to not stress about what corporate person will be coming to check the store, I don’t have to stress over who I have to fire this week, or who I get to write up. I wont have to stress over the other managers not being ethical, and by god I wont have to babysit adults anymore.

What that means for me is shorter hours at work and longer days with my kids. That means that I get to do the minimal office stuff and still get to enjoy being out of the mommy role for awhile so I do not loose my sanity but I will be able to easily get back into my mom groove at home because I wont be as tired as I am now when I get home.

What that means for me, is more of the happy I crave and less of the stress I desired.

This internal struggle I have been having has brought a lot to my eyes. I believe it was meant for me to have this happen so I could get the grasp back onto my reality. That my kids, will only be kids so long. That I really don’t want the grandparents to experience Gunner’s firsts. That I want to be there like I was with Wyatt. And if that takes me to stop my career step climbing for now than it does and you know what so what. SO WHAT. I can work my ass off again when my kids are grown and I can find a place in the job world again if I want and I know I will rock it then just like I have been now.

But I, I get to rock at being a mom and that my friends is harder and more of challenge for me then any old corporate office because I have to answer to myself. And I can be a tuff boss.

A plan I never intended to make.

You know what's hard? Making a choice that you never intended to make. A choice that others have already planned for you and their exceptions do not necessarily meet yours. And then your there stuck in the middle panicking and changing your mind each day wondering what the hell you got yourself into not wanting to disappoint either party but hoping that you make the right choice for yourself.

I go to work each day and each day my bosses tell me what they see for me in the future of the company. Its all laid out there for me. They already have it planned, when I’ll start this new roll and what my responsibility's will be and they tell me how successful I’ll be and then I’ll go home and Cody has it all laid out and planned there for me also. He sees me raising our sons, running the house hold and sees me successful there too.

All I see for myself is, nothing. A big old nothing.

Here I am stuck and having this internal struggle within myself. How do I pick? Do I choose the success at my job, at a chance to grow my career? Hopefully more money? Or do I choose more time with my boys which would require me to give up my title, office MY idea of who I am and go back to being “just a mom.” but be there, truly home, I’d get to see all Gunner’s firsts. I could also join the PTA when Wyatt goes to kindergarten this year. I’d be able to be the mom they deserve. A mom I know I can be.

and just when I feel like I know what I want, something changes my mind in a plan I never intended to make.

Insert panic. Insert a shitload of panic.

While I was on maternity leave I realized something about myself. I realized that I needed a job, a place to go and be fulfilled. A place that had goals that I would need to be successful at daily and then ultimately be rewarded when I met those goals. I needed a place that was just mine. A place that when I was successful it was because of my efforts and you could clearly see that it was. I needed a place that I felt like I had control of.

Motherhood, don't get me wrong is great. But it isn't all the fulfilment I need. I know when I’m doing a good job at it, and I know when I have opportunity's but its only me knowing those personally with in myself. Of course the reward I get is my children being happy but I need more than that.

I had plan, you know. I had plan that this year I was going to be great at my job. That I was going to be the best. That when I got back into my office it was going to be the best run HR office it has ever been. I reorganized everything, I put all my energy into creating a safe respectful place that my associates could come too.  I started holding training meetings for the associates that where hired while I was out on leave. I got my office assistants on the same page as me. I started to train them in areas that would help them grow and be successful. I hired someone new to spice it up too.

I was doing great at my job. I was on top of everything there. I would go there feel great about what I accomplished and I was happy when I got home and then last week happened.

Last Monday, I went onto a normal conference call. Or so I thought. The call it started out great. Talking about the things we needed to do like train our managers in new areas of the HR world. Which I was already doing. Then it turned. They started talking about new HR district openings. Which I was like oh good finally we will have new opportunity's here and then they accidently. Yes, accidently said… “The reason we are opening these positions and due to the fact that we are dissolving the HR role in stores.

WHAT? What what wait what? I thought. You are doing what now?

Then my region manager started to back track and say well we haven't officially released this info and this and that and well we will take questions after the call is over. We did send an email out in September stating that this could be happening. Everyone should have gotten it. Blah blah opps blah blah.

I thought SHIT that was when I had Gunner. That's when I was on leave. I heard nothing about this. NO ONE TOLD ME!!

insert panic. Insert a shitload of panic.

He then opened it up to questions.

“It will happened in the north region first then to here than to here and the west region will be last. Which is where I am. But during that time you all need to train the managers on the job responsibility's you have.” he said. He also said “today in your management meetings you need to be positive when telling your managers the news.” Then he said “you have 3 options. First, you can apply for the disrtict positions. Second, you can get with your store manager and see if they have an opening in store that they can put in. Third, you can take the severance and we appreciate all of your hard work.”

and then he ended the call.

I sat there, stunned in my office with my door close. What the hell am I going to do.

I had 10 minutes before I was to be in my meeting. 10 minutes to get my happy face on. 10 minutes to call Cody and panic.

So I went into my management meeting with a happy face and told them the news and insured them that I will be here to help them in the transition and that we had hopefully until May but it could be sooner. But I will be here I said with panic in my voice. I will be here to teach you my job. (that I will no longer have. I thought.) Don't worry everything will be fine.

And then I went home and cried.

Right now, I still don’t know what I am going to do. My store manager has given my options in store and I thought about applying for the disrtict HR jobs but that involves traveling 75% of my time. I do know, that I will not be taking the severance for a fact. (its shitty anyways.)

I am just pissed. Pissed and sad. I felt like I finally found something I’d do for a long time that works perfect with having a family and now its being taken from me. My control I wanted I no longer have.

What the hell am I going to do?