Who needs a real vacation anyway?

I am currently sitting in the middle of my living room surrounded by boxes filled with old memories, lost treasures and junk that I will be happy to get rid of. This week of my “staycation” is coming to an end. I have accomplished a lot. Wyatt’s old baby clothes have been washed folded and put away in his old crib drawers. His old baby blankets folded and tucked away waiting for the soon arrival of his brother. The crib is put together and all I have left to do is hang pictures.

We have cleared out our storage shed which brings me back to the boxes I am surrounded by. My husband he is a saver and he saves everything for the “just in case” moments. On one hand I am grateful that he made me do that with ALL of Wyatt's old baby stuff because now we need nothing but a new car seat and diapers. On the other hand we have been paying for a storage shed for years and half of the stuff I will be selling tomorrow at my yard sale. (so if you are in the South Ogden area come buy my junk!)

Its been sorta fun looking through all the junk we have collected over the years. The memories it brings back of the times Cody and I were living together kid less and freshly in love. It is crazy how you can pack all those things away and once you unpack them the love comes back to you like they have never left because really they haven't they have moved into more of the mature love you craved then anyway.

And to see the little outfits that Wyatt wore when he left the hospital and when he was so tiny tugs on my heart strings. I soon will be having another little one and that made this whole week become real. Because up until this week I have done nothing for the arrival of Gunner nothing but feel him kick and move and give me heart burn. But now, with everything getting taken care of it is becoming real. He will be here before I know it and that my friends, makes this week of digging in old boxes, dealing with spiders and dust bunnies and doing a ton of laundry worth it instead of using my vacation time to sit on a beach and drink fruit drinks because who needs a real vacation anyway?

Today is the day people.

It is, it’s the day I start my nesting adventure. My mother is coming over and the storage shed that has not been open for a years will be opened to reveal all the things we saved 5 years ago from when Wyatt was little that we will dig through to make sure that we can actually use them for Gunner. I am sure that I’ll be bringing up baby memories of Wyatt with each little outfit I sort through and I feel that I might just cry.

I will be hanging pictures this week, putting a crib up and well I will actually start acting like this new baby will be coming. I will also be figuring out the last details of the little baby shower I am throwing for myself. Well it will be more of a Gunner celebration because I feel like it is only fair that Gunner gets his own celebration of his arrival since Wyatt had one too. Plus, I think it will help Wyatt with the idea of his brothers arrival.

Yesterday on my first day of “the I don’t work for a week so lets do nothing but play on Pinterest day” I found some prints of inspiration for Gunner’s little cow boyish theme of a room. Here are some links to those prints I will be using.  *click the picture for the source.

 

And can I say that I am beyond excited to get this room together that I actually cried yesterday to my husband because I just realized that I will be having a baby less then 8 weeks. I seriously had a mini panic attack that I would not be ready and that everything that this nursery represents will determine the readiness I will be able to handle with 2 kids. So it must MUST be done by the end of this week because I have no time… or at least I think I don’t.

So here’s to hoping that I can get what I need done and here’s to hoping that it will turn out the why I envision.

“Staycation” or am I just nesting?

Its funny to me how different I am with this pregnancy. I remember that I was completely ready with the nursery and everything we needed or so we thought we needed by 20 weeks with Wyatt and well I am currently heading into 33 weeks with Gunner and have yet to do or buy anything.

Tomorrow is my last day at work before my “staycation” where I have taken off the week to get myself ready for the baby. My mom is coming over to help me sort through all of Wyatt’s old baby clothes to see if they are still good and all of his other baby stuff we’ve saved. I will also be getting the crib out of the storage to make sure that it is still in good shape so we will be able to officially make a nursery for the my little pistol. I am thinking of going with a cowboy theme to fit with his name.

So tonight I will be searching for prints and ideas because I have nothing in mind for him. So if you have any ideas let me know. But I do know that I am officially in the nesting stage because I cant seem to do anything with out cleaning and reorganizing plus I really really have the need to make everything look and feel nice.

I have already turned the playroom upstairs into Wyatt’s new room so that we could move Gunner into his old room so he’d be closer to me and I just got finished going through all of Wyatt clothes that he has now to make room in the closet for all the stuff we will be putting in there for Gunner (since the old playroom doesn’t have a closet.) I have sorted everything that we have in the house to make sure it has a place because I am DONE with the piles that seemed to be piling up with the lack of energy I have had lately.

I am also hoping to have a yard sale on Saturday to get rid of everything that we’ve collected that we never used and put in a closet because I am done with those too.  Needless to say this kid is coming in 50 days and I am in a good rush to get things done and ready for him because I am clearly not but I am so ready to be. I am done with this pregnancy and cant wait to be a mother of two.

…until I can actually breath and walk with out waddling.

Currently I am work. My door to my office is closed the lights are off and the little fan I stole from someone else's office is blowing full force on me. The lunch I have been snacking on has given me heart burn and my feet are swollen.

I am pregnant. I know that you all know this. But what I am saying is that I am p r e g n a n t. Like full on. This kid is so heavy that I cant breath most of the time and my stomach is so hard that when I walk, I waddle because if I don’t then I would pee my pants. I am officially in the uncomfortable better get out of my way I might hurt you stage of pregnancy. And it sucks.

Let me share with you something that happened to me randomly yesterday that might help you understand how I feel at this moment. I woke up at 9am after having slept for 9 hours I started breakfast and got Wyatt's ready. After I handed it to him I sat down on the couch to catch my breath and bam 2 hours later woke up from a random nap in a rush to hurry and get ready for work.

How I didn’t know that I was sleeping was crazy and thank god Wyatt is old enough to entertain himself with out setting the house on fire because I bet I would have slept through that too.

Today, the same thing happened only this time it was late in the afternoon and Wyatt said to me “Mom, go lay here I get your blanket you go to sleep because your eyes are so tired looks like they hurts.” I did just that and boy was I out quick. I again woke up in time to get to work.

Now I am at work and all I want to do is sleep. I look at my computer and I think of my bed. I talk with associates and I think of my bed and now that I am closed in my office on lunch ready to take a nap. Sleep seems to not existed. 2 more hours. 2 more hours before I get to lay in my bed with a thousand pillows pushed into my sides to hold this crazy baby still so I can actually sleep. 2 more hours but 55 more days until I can actually breath and walk with out waddling.

Gunner Jonathan

Little Gunner,

You and I have moments where I am still in disbelief that you are in fact a real little person in my belly. Most days I forget that I am pregnant until I feel a kick from you. Its hard to imagine what life is going to be like with you in it.

To be truthful I am scared to death that you are coming. I am scared that adding you in will be too much of a mix and that it will be something we wish didn't happen. The whole thought of a little teeny tiny baby is a weird concept to me. I know that I have done this before, I get the generally idea of what it will be like to rock you, feed you, change your diaper and cuddle you when you cry. But right now the thought of adding you to my heart is scary and I am unsure how to do that.

I know that once you are here all the questions will be erased and the room in my heart will grow and you will fit nicely in it. But I am going to be scared to death until it does.

You and I spend our nights together awake as I feel you moving and most of the time you catch me off guard and I am totally surprised when I get to actually see my stomach move with the hard firm kick you give. I actually say out loud OH MY GOSH!

You are big now, I am big now. I waddle, have backaches and my feet swell. This pregnancy is so different that I find my self wondering how you are going to be. Are you a mini me? A wild child? A go getter? Are you the missing spice in our life?

Gunner Jonathan, my little gun, pistol, soon to be… you, my boy will be a joy to have regardless of the fears that I am having. I know that you will be welcomed into our home with open arms and your life will be filled with all the love we can give and you, my son you will be ours and we will be yours and life will change for the better with you in it.

I am going to choose to be positive today. Are you?

Cody and I got in a fight this week. One of those you say things that you regret fights. Where the yelling out ways the talking and the tears run hot on your face. I am unsure really what it was all about. It seemed to consist of everything that bothered us about each other over the last few months which boiled up quickly and hit the fan hard.

A few truths did come out which made him think and which also made me think. One thing he said that rang true for me was that I am always negative. Once he said that I stopped and really thought about that.

Am I? Really? Do I tend to lean to the bad things? Have I lately? And to be completely truthful I have.

At work I am negative.

At home I am negative.

In my car I am negative.

When speaking with friends I am negative.

When speaking with family I am negative.

It has become a full time thing for me.

I rarely have positive things to say about co workers, about my friends, about my family, about anything really.

Why is that?

I know that I have good intentions. I know that I wish to spend my days in bright happy moments and that I long for them but cant seem to get there.

I could blame the pregnancy and say that I am full of hormones that make me go crazy. But then why was I this way before the kid was kicking the shiz out of my belly?

I could say that my IUD was making me crazy (which I think it was.) but really its mind over matter right?

I have come a costumed to being negative. I share only negative stories and thoughts. I demand that people be on the same level as me so I can relish in their own negative thoughts. I can relate to people who talk the same way as I do. I will get bored and tend to be bothered by you if you are happy or talk positive. I tend to do the pshhh yeah right face and push you off as being fake and will get annoyed quickly by your positivity.

So how do you get your positivity back? Well I did the whole “lets search Google and find out how thing” and I read this...

“Being a positive thinker is not about ignoring reality in favour of aspirational thoughts. It is more about taking a proactive approach to your life. Instead of feeling hopeless or overwhelmed, positive thinking allows you to tackle life's challenges by looking for effective ways to resolve conflict and come up with creative solutions to problems.”

So how do you do that? How do you become a positive thinker?

Well I think it all comes down to a choice. Am I going to be negative about this or can I choose to find the positive? The more times I choose to be positive the more likely I will be just that, positive. And knowing that my attitude effects the people and actions around me needs to matter more than it has. The more I am negative the more negative things will surround me. But can you image how it will be if I choose to be have positive things around me? It would be amazing.

I am going to choose to be positive today. Are you?

Where work obligations don’t sneak in on the weekends.

I am currently waiting for the laundry to dry so I can get ready for work. Wyatt is currently destroying my clean living room by bringing any toy he can find to just put it on the floor to go grab another one and the baby is currently cooking in my belly.

I am a little bummed that I have to go to work today and not only go but that I have to close. I keep looking out the window wishing I washed all our clothes last night so I could at least have a moment in the sun with Wyatt before I go to work but instead we are stuck in pjs looking out the window at others having fun. 

These are the days that I long to be a stay at home mom where work obligations don’t sneak in on the weekends. Where we could be at a splash pad running through the water or we could be at park sliding down slides or I could be preparing for a BBQ but instead I am still waiting for the laundry to dry so I can slip into my work clothes.

This summer my plan is to do. Just to do. This will be the last summer I have with only Wyatt. The last summer with our family of three. The last summer where Wyatt is the only child.