Mostly Stay At Home Mom

I’m learning to wake up early not by choice but by necessity. I have discovered you can not be a a mostly stay at home mom with out getting up early. I have these ideas you know. The ones where I have endless hours to spend crafting with my kids and they are not screaming at each other whining or pouring glitter everywhere but instead I plop myself on the couch turn the TV on and fold laundry every day. Or I clean the bath room again. Or I explain over and over again to Wyatt that he needs to share with Gunner.  Or I pull Gunner off Wyatt after he slammed him into the ground trying to wrestle him.

I am learning that if I let myself I will lose myself again in all the ciaos that motherhood can bring because staying home takes away a lot of the “me time” I had. The time where I could think clearly with out interruptions, the time I could laugh with co workers and the time I felt like I had instant success.

I am learning to be okay with mom guilt we all put on our selves because regardless my kids love me.

I am learning that I still have to work on my marriage and that putting him before the kids is important.

But mostly I am learning that being able to stay home is amazing regardless that I have a lot to learn.

So I keep trudging along. Picking up after everyone again, doing the dishes again. Folding that same pile of laundry again.

I wont allow myself to get lost in all the bustle like I did when I stay home with Wyatt when he was young. I have a plan this time around. I am going to get myself out of the house more. Play with the kids more. The real hands on kind where you are down on the floor wrestling or throwing balls or playing cars. I am going to allow myself to have that me time but I am going to make sure that it is more than just TV watching. I am going to move more, feel more, be more. Because I know I can be.

I am learning, slowly learning that I do not have to have someone with me to experience the things I crave. That I could really take that hike I’ve wanted too alone. That I can go to a movie alone. Or go on a bike ride myself. I can do those things even if they don’t want too and I’ll be okay.

So far, its harder than I thought.