I wish I knew how to love my husband better.

I need to learn how to love my husband better. I wish that I could read all his thoughts and scoop him up into my arms and wish the depression away instead I get bitter and angry and wish that he would just snap out of it. I know that that’ll never be the case and sometimes or I should say most times I get jealous that I’m not with a free spirited person like me.

I wish for the days where he would be able to go out into a crowded restaurant and lean over and kiss me with out the worry of anxiety coming taking over or laughing with me when the kids spill milk all over the kitchen instead of him drowning into a puddle of stress.

I wish for conversations that don’t turn into a fight because we don’t understand each other or rather I don’t understand what it is like to be filled with dread all the time.

I need to learn how to love my husband better.

I wish that I knew how to fix it even though I know that fixing it is just my fantasy that really there is no fixing but just loving more.

I wish I knew how to love my husband better.

I wish for a moment that I could feel what he feels so that I would know how to help him on those bad anxiety days and be okay with him on his good anxiety days.

I wish that my husband didn’t have anxiety. I wish even more that he didn’t have chronic depression and that he could see past all of that and see how much I love him.

I wish my husband knew how much I love him. I love the way he tenderly kisses our kids heads or scoops them up and throws them in the air laughing. The way he snuggles me at night keeping him close to his chest. The way he kills himself at work providing for our little family so I can stay home more.The way he looks at me, the way his kisses me. The way he tells jokes and does funny dances in the kitchen. The way he takes over for me when Gunner doesn’t want to do anything be squirm when I put him down for the night.

The way he thinks about me. Always about me. The way he makes sure that I have everything I want. I love him for loving me.

I wish my husband knew how much I love him.