I am so over it.

So I hate my job right now. I can’t even do it anymore. I hate that I was forced into a new role. I hate that this new role is all crap. I deal with crap people and crap that people mess up. I have to change crap over and over after I just did it the day before. I have crappy equipment that never works and when it does, it works like crap.

I am just so over crap and the drama that comes with it.

I thought that I need “a job” to be fulfilled but I don’t think I do. I don’t think I need that 9-5/40+ hours a week type of job to feel like I have accomplished something. I sit at work now and I think “what if some tragic thing happened right now would all this matter?” and I say no every time.

Every time.

I am so over it. All of it.

So I’ve been looking at other jobs and weighing my options.

Do I start over somewhere new? Do I step down and work part time and stay home more?

Do I try to find what I am passionate about and work towards making that a reality?

I just don’t know.

Here are my worries…

1. If I stay home more, will I be lazy, do nothing but watch TV and eat all day and get depressed and feel like I am not equal to Cody?
2. If I find another job, and get it. What if I don’t like it or hate the people or feel like how I do now?
3. If I strive to make my hobby a reality would I really be good at it and actually make a living? Is it too late? Will I like it?
4. If I stay home, would I be willing to be poorish again?
5. What if I don’t know what I really want and I give up on this job and loose myself in the process again?

How do you make tuff life choices? What helps you become motivate? How do I get back my happy? And why can’t I make up my mind?