I want to cuddle my babies more.

I have only 6 days left before I go back to work.

6 days.

I am not sure that I am entirely ready to go back. Even though I am an HR Manager, I still work in a retail store which means I will be coming back into our busy season. Long days with no days off, Long hours and insane customers. 6 days I will actually have to get dressed and take a shower, leave my baby and my boy and go back to work.

Today I spent most my time organizing this here blog. Going through all the old post and trimming the fat per say. I found some posts that brought me back, some that I forgot about, some that made me cry all over again and some I just deleted. But what I came to realize is that I am glad that I blog. I can look back on here and relive moments and truly understand how they made me feel. Wyatt will be able to go through this when he is older and get a good sense of who I am and how it was to raise him. Same with Gunner. That’s a blessing.

I remember as a teenager reading my mom’s journal. I read about her first kiss and how she didn't like it and it felt like I was there with her watching as she experienced that. Its great to have those treasure of your parents to see who they were and how that shaped them into who they are now.

If anything, I hope that my boys know that no matter what happens between them now and us in the future that I will always love them more than anything and that I love their dad and that us, as a family is the most important thing in my life. Even on the days that I mad, annoyed, glad to be at work because really it comes down to just them and the love I have for them. They are my life and I could not live with out any of them in it.

I know that working is the best for us to survive and that it will be hard to go back and I will wonder why I wasted so many days I had on maternity leave not being there for my boys 100%  of the time but right now I really don’t want to go back. I want to cuddle my babies more.