A time to write

I have spent all morning/afternoon unpacking the last of our boxes and I just cant take it anymore. I am currently hiding in Wyatt's room. It’s the coldest room in the house. The lights are out as the sun is peaking in through the blinds and I slow my breathing while I listen intensely to the soft music playing on my iPhone.

I just got done doing the mom “PICK UP YOUR ROOM” voice and realized that it was time to put my self in a time out. It seems lately I am only capable of writing when I have been completely pushed to my edge emotionally. I don’t know how to write when I am happy anymore.

Don’t get me wrong I am happy. Like yesterday, I was happy watching as Cody tickled and goof of with Wyatt. I was happy as Cody, Wyatt and I snuggled under a blanket as we watch late in the night, our baseball time win.

But I seem to just live those moments and take a special note of them in my mind but never write it down. I want to, I do. I normally sit and stare at this blank screen and try to picture the words to describe those moments but after a few minutes trying I give up and turn off the computer.

This little piece of my internet as seen better days and I am sorry if every time you come here I throw in your face the deep dark side of me. Its not what I intend.

I caught my self smiling a lot this morning after I found Wyatt’s baby box. It was hiding under everything and almost lost to the garage before I notice it.

It hasn’t been open since he was a few months old. I found my self touch, smelling, each little outfit as I measured it against my arm. I dug deep in to find his little toes inked on the hospital papers and I ran my fingers over them. How is it that he was so small?

I found a little book filled with the small moments I quickly jotted down of what it was like when he was just a few days old as I read them I found my self surrounded in those memories. I picture back to when he was born and how we were so surprise to see his blonde hair. I laughed at how Cody was so happy to be the first person to change his diaper and I remember those quite moments Wyatt and I had as I rocked him to sleep singing the lullaby's I made up.

Man, how its changed. It amazes me how much more in love with Wyatt I am. I don’t notice as much as I did then I think its because he is growing just to darn fast. He now has his own ideas and opinions which he never hesitates to tell me and if I didn’t know any better I‘d think he was already a teenager.