In Pictures: Andalyn’s first bath

and then she came

Everything went wrong when you surprise us that you were coming.

My pregnancy was not at all easy like it was with your brothers. I was sick a lot, food was not something I wanted to eat (unless it was roast beef sandwiches from Arbys.) I broke out in rashes that covered me from head to toe, my liver started shutting down and my doctor was a jerk.

We had a scare that something was wrong with your heart so they had us redo your ultra sound. Which we never did find out for sure that it wasn’t because well, my doctor was a jerk. So we took it just as no news is good news.  You would also kick me all the time and had never ending hiccups.

You tried to come early a few times and I had to go to the hospital and stop you from doing so because you were still so tiny and I don’t dilate.

And then the day arrived that we picked out February 1^st, 2016.

Your birthday.

Your dad and I excitedly packed the last few things in our bags that morning, dropped off your brothers to school and grandmas before we drove up to the hospital.

They took us back to our room where the nurses checked you and tried to give me my IV more than once. Which wasn’t that successful. I had to hold my hand a certain way or it wouldn’t drip the meds I needed and they even had to bring in another nurse to get that in.

But we didn’t think about that, we thought about you.

Your dad and I talked calmly about what it will be like to welcome you into the world. We chatted about how it was when we were here years ago getting ready to welcome your brothers.

We talked about how you were going to be our last little one. The last to do all the firsts and for us that felt like how it was supposed to be.

It turned 1pm, the time we were supposed to be moved into the surgery room but our doctor was late. Then when he did arrived he checked on his other patients before getting to us so we waited again. We finally got back to the room a half an hour later where we were greeted by the anesthesiologist.

He was to input my epidural which wasn’t successful and he tried for a good 20 minutes or so stabbing me in my back trying to get it too work. Finally after the moved me around a few times they got it in but I was left with a really bruised back.

Our doctor finally arrived and started the surgery to get you to us.

He started the cut but ran into some scar tissue from your brothers so he had to make the cut longer. And when they finally got to you, you were so far down that you got stuck. So stuck that I had 2 nurses jumping and pushing on my belly to try to remove you.

I could do nothing but laugh.

They finally got you out and we heard nothing.

No cry, nothing.

Your dad exactly walks over to where the nurses were cleaning you but they sent him away so they could get you to breath.

You were in such shock to be out into this world that it took a good few minutes for you to choose to breath.

But you did.

Then you cried.

Hard and loud which made me cry because I was so happy to have you here.

They were finishing removing my tubes but my IV wasn’t administrating the meds so I wasn’t clotting like I was suppose too. I started to get sick and could hear the doctors rushing to figure out what was happening all the while your dad was taking pictures of you and being with you.

After a few minutes they figured out that it was indeed my IV causing the issues and corrected.

They closed me up.

They moved us into our room and I finally got to hold you.

There you were, so tiny with a lot of dark brown hair and light eyes.

I couldn’t help but beamed with joy to finally officially get to met you. You launched on my breast with no issues and we spent the next hours there together with your dad by our side. It was the most amazing moment of my life. To see you, my daughter a girl I’d dreamt about but never knew I would actually get to met.

Anadalyn Joy Christensen

You were born into our family on February 1^st, 2016 at 2:12pm weighing in at 6 pounds 13 ounces 20 inches long.

All though your arrival was a surprise and full of twist you were the most magnificent little girl we have  ever met.

Welcome to our family.

I’m 30 and I no longer feel trapped.

This time last year I was struggle with where I wanted to land in life. I felt like I needed change, movement. I felt trapped in motherhood, in my job, in my marriage. I blamed a lot of my issues on my husband and took no reasonability. Until one day, I woke up looked myself in the mirror and faced the hard truths.

I was making the choices to live life trapped. I chose to stay in a job that surrounded me in hate and drama. I chose to feel trapped by the reasonability's of motherhood and not look pass the mundane and see the joy of it. I chose to see the bad in my husband because I didn’t want to see my wrong doings. I also allowed others to influence me about the bad he held more then the good he did for me everyday.

I did those things until I said to myself no more.

Here is the promise I stated to myself last year on my blog.

“I am going to purge the unnecessary and decrease the clutter physically, materialistically and emotionality. I will hug the ones I love, find the best in them and in others and show others the best in me. I will learn to be okay with doing things on my own and not let the stop me from having the adventures I crave. I will stop talking bad about the people I love the most. This year I will push myself out of my comfort zone. Try new things and be okay with making a mistake in the process.”

Can I say that I have come out of it all with new clarity and that I didn’t resort back to my old ways? No. But what I can say is that I made changes in my life and I no longer feel trapped. 

I got a new job, that I love. A job that allows me to have more time with my kids which helped me love motherhood more. I started to look at my husband in a new light and see how hard he actually works for me, I started to write down in a personal journal the little things he’d do for me everyday. Which brought back the love I knew I had for him.

I stopped listening to those who told me that he wasn’t worth my love and saw for myself that he in fact was. I also stopped telling myself that I wasn’t good enough.

Although this year has been a tuff one for me as I deal with my toddler being diagnosed with apraxia  and possibly autism. The death of my Father in law and also the surprise pregnancy that has had its own medical issues. I can say that if I didn’t change my path this time last year I would not have made it through this year like I have.

On the 11th I turned the BIG 30 and I can honestly say that with out a doubt I am better then I ever been and I can not wait to continue on this journey surrounded by my kids and my loving adoring selfless husband who chooses me to stand with him and not against him.

In Pictures: Add on Progression