Growing a human.

It doesn’t feel real yet. The whole growing a human inside me. It feels like its taking forever and we’re only at week 7 and some odd days. I think it is because I have had to wait to get into my doctor. He is one popular fellow.

I told Cody last night that I know that I am pregnant but everyday I want to take a test just to confirm it because I am not sick (Nauseous only when I haven't eaten.) and I pretty much have energy besides the midday nap that I sneak in as much as I can. But its completely different from the boys that I just need to be able to see the baby and make sure it is actually in there.

I still have to wait 2 weeks before I get to do that.

I hate waiting.

I also am worried to do a lot of running or exercising because I just don’t want to some how misplace a baby that in my mind is not really there yet. Does that make since? I did however complete a mud run a few days after I found out and it was the most fun I have ever had. I can’t wait to do it next year when I don’t have a human in me so I can go harder than I did. I skipped some obstacles that I felt wouldn’t be worth the chance of it. But there is just something about getting dirty and muddy with your friends. You feel like a badass and it is amazing.

Gunner, went from doing so well at his speech therapy too refusing to do the signs and throwing tantrums when we ask him to say or sign what he needs/wants. That when we had his last appointment I wanted to ball my eyes out when she said that we are starting at the beginning again. I didn’t realize how tuff it would actually be. Gunner is so independent and head strong that most times I want to give in. But I just cant and it makes me die quietly inside.

Wyatt, is also at a difficult stage for me. He, himself is not difficult by any means but he is just soooo different than I am, that most times I find myself holding my tongue. I have learned a lot of patients by being his parent. He reacts differently to things than I do and I have a hard time not allowing him to react how he wants too. That is where I have learned patients because I tend to want to give him all the answers and fixes instead of letting him learning on his own. But he has grown a lot in the past few months. We signed him up for the big intense karate class after he got his brown belt. So he goes 4 days a week now and actually spars against other bigger kids which I thought he would shy away from because of how sensitive he is but he hasn’t. He actually goes in for the first punch and has be called out by his sanseis out of the 30 + kids on being a good fighter. So I know that my patients with him will pay off.

(picture of Wyatt taking his belt test to move onto his brown belt.)

It is going to be strange to add another kid in the mix and I still can’t fathom what it will be like when that little one comes.But I am grateful that I get another chance to be a mother and I am so happy that Cody is doing so well with the idea of this baby that I have found that I have become closer to him. It is nice to see the man you fell in love with at 19 become this amazing father at 30. I didn’t know you could grow closer to a person. I am so grateful that we are still here, still working, and still loving each other after all these years.

Life is an amazing thing.