10 steps to get your kids to bed instantly and look hot while doing it.

Step one: Get up super early, have a quick breakfast consisting of no nutritional value and throw some unfrozen water bottles in a backpack because you thrive on being unprepared for adventures.

Step two: Dress your kids in pants and regular shirts and yourself in a tank top.

Step three: Slather your kids in sunscreen and totally forget about yourself in the process until its too late.

Step four: Take them to a local air show where the only shade available is underneath a huge ass plane wing that everyone else has already claimed by the time you get there.

Step five: Sit in the sun for hours on end looking straight up into the sky and dowse yourself in water because its 90 degrees and your hot but make your kids drink the water because “its not for showers its for drinking.”

Step six: Eat as much over priced junk food you can.

Step seven: repeat step three.

Step eight: Walk around with the rest of the crowd looking at the over priced toys that your kids have to have because when will you ever be able to purchase them a cheap plane that normally costs 5 dollars for 14 dollars instead. Never. Its all about the memories people.

Step nine: Continue to stay in the hot sun for eight hours straight.

Step ten: Drive home, make a quick dinner shuttle your kids to bed way before their bed time which they gladly accept and look in the mirror and realize that you are the hottest looking momma alive. Literally the hottest.

And I am only getting redder by the minute.

Because throwing the laundry around doesn’t help a damn thing.

I have a problem where I basically create issues just because I become overstressed.  I have never been the person to sit back quietly and allow things to roll of my back. I tend to verbally get overly excited about all things everyone else is doing wrong and I will point it out and keep pointing it out until everyone basically feels like shit. Then when I have made everyone feel that way I feel better and expect them all to be okay with everything and then I question why they are all still pissed.

I did that yesterday.

Its was early. I just got the kids breakfast and was going to sit down and eat mine when Wyatt decided that he needed his tablet which was dead (again) and so he went searching for his “phone” (my old phone with apps left on it.) so he could watch Netflix. While he did that Isabella the puppy jumped up knocked his food of the table and ate it.

but instead of doing the logical thing and getting upset with the dog. I first got upset at Wyatt for leaving the table. Then I went on a rant about everything. Threw the dog outside picked up the non eaten food threw it back on the table and proceeded to yell about every mess that was in the house.

I threw the piles of laundry in the living room and threaten to get a maid to fold them and charge all of our tablets if we all couldn’t get this cleaning issue fixed.

My poor husband awoke to all this yelling and ranting and quietly picked up all the clothes I just threw around and put them in their baskets and took them to our room to fold later. Then left for work only kissing the kids goodbye.

I knew that second that I was the problem, not the house or the dog or even Wyatt’s dumb uncharged tablet.

Trying to make up for my rants takes days and after each one I have I tell myself that I am going to learn to not do those anymore but some how we still get here. So I cleaned. I put music on to lighten the mood. I took a shower and packed my kids up and went to my mom’s. Because she always makes me realize just how to be a mom again.

We swam in the her pool, bbq hamburgers and watched the Lego movie while eating popcorn. We laughed played games and just was with each other. It was what I needed to center myself again to realize what was important and that clean house I dreamed of where the puppy doesn’t eat our food or our tablets don’t run out a batteries and the kids listen and the baby sleeps threw the night and I exercise every day and pretend that I don’t sneak unhealthy food in the middle of the night.

Yeah, that place its not real because all those things happen and its never a good idea to rant and rave about them because it doesn’t do any good.